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The Filipina Wife (updated 4/19/2014)

Update: April 19, 2014
It has been nearly a year since my last update. I have not forgotten about you, dear reader and I offer you the latest developments herewith. We are now in Hungary, more or less on a permanent basis (is anything permanent in a life that is temporary?) mainly at my wife's choice. I hardly influenced her decision at all.

We both have adjusted well, perhaps too well. Adjustments were needed to the waits of our clothing and our belts. My excuse for gaining weight is that I have quit smoking (again), my wife does not have a convenient excuse. We went back to the Philippines for the coldest three months here and that required an even bigger adjustment. I almost turned around and came back. It was difficult to get used to living in a filthy, dirty third-world country again where water service was disrupted more than it was on, where the electricity would go out without notice for hours and in some places, for days, where customer service is an alien concept and so are vegetables, perhaps with the exception of kankong and pichay, both unfit for human consumption.

Three months there was more than enough and we are both very happy to be back in Europe. In fact, my mother-in-law is also here with us for a three-month visit. We are hosting a small family reunion next month, so we will not be traveling for a while. Before Yolanda's arrival, we did have an opportunity to take a 4-day holiday in Tauplitz, Austria with our dear friends from Kalocsa. Tauplitz is in a spectacularly beautiful region called Salzkammergut, surrounded by the high Alps and not too far from Salzburg.

I am teaching, I am programming and I am having the time of my life. I would love to see my children and three beautiful grandsons and hope to have an opportunity to do just that sometime soon. Cheche is a miracle -- supportive, loving, kind -- and I continue to be blessed to have her in my life.

Update: May 10, 2013

Since this is such an immensely popular entry (the most popular, in fact), I will write a short update to my original (August 23, 2011) post. As of December 1, 2012, we have been together for over two years, and married nearly as long. In that short time, we have traveled the world, moved into our new home and made many new friends.

I was seriously wondering how she will like living in Talisay after she has seen Paris, tobogganed in the snow of the German Alps on the Zugspitze, beat the casino in Monte Carlo, and enjoyed the nightlife of Nice, Vienna, Budapest, Saigon and many of the world's cities.

Well, Cheche is the same, modest, happy-go-lucky, joyful and content woman I married almost two years ago. No demands, no expectations. Loving and attentive as ever, takes pleasure in the smallest things. I kind of expected a changed mentality with blind pursuit of things Gucci and Louis Vuitton and that never happened. She is happy to shop for her clothes at the local "ukay-ukay" (second-hand store), although she knows and manages our monthly budget and could shop at department stores.

One big question on many readers' minds has to do with the financial support of her family. As I said, we have a monthly budget and we rigorously adhere to it. One line item is "Family Help" and frankly, it is not a lot on money -- only 2,000 pesos per month. Cheche usually uses this to take her mom shopping in Bohol at a supermarket but sometimes she, or Cheche's aunt, would rather have the cash. Support of the extended family is one key element of how her family will view you, so think about this carefully. You do not want to become the family's ATM machine yet at the same time they need to know if there is a dire emergency, they can count on you.

As a rule, we do not lend money. If immediate family has a real need, we will probably cover the expense (hospital bill, repair bill, etc.) but we rarely hand over cash. There were a couple of times when a member of her extended family was in a bind and really needed a short-term loan and we gave it to them. We have been repaid in full. They know (from Cheche) that if they do not pay us back, there can be no more "utang" (loan) and they want to keep the line of credit open.

ORIGINAL POST FOLLOWS

As discussed in the previous post, Filipinos are amiable, easy-going, cheerful, happy people by nature. They bear their burdens with stoical equanimity and are accepting of hardships and differences.

John and Che in IloiloThe Filipina wife is in a class of her own. I have traveled extensively all over the world, have lived on three continents and I can unequivocally aver that the Filipina makes the best wife for any man but especially for an older westerner. I will highlight some of the reasons for this conclusion, but first, the requisite disclaimer.

Not all Filipinas are alike. There are plenty of schemers and gold diggers, opportunists, users, takers and con artists. There are self-serving sycophants here just as there are in any culture. However, that is not the norm. If you look for your Filipina wife in bars, mega-malls, free Internet dating sites, you might get disillusioned and disappointed. There are plenty of horror stories out there. If, on the other hand, you look for a woman with solid values, traditionally raised, "simple girl" typically not from a big city but from the provinces, your chances will be immensely improved.


"Simple" here refers not to the woman's mental capacity but to her spectrum of needs. It is an adjective they themselves use to describe their lifestyle, lack of make up, adornments and needfulness. A "simple" girl bears the characteristics I describe below, as contrast to "city girls", "bar girls" and "mall walkers".

Devoted


First and foremost, the Filipina wife is devoted -- to her husband, to her family, to her large extended family and to God. It seems that there is nothing she would not do for her brood, even at the point of self-sacrifice. "Circumstances don't matter, I am your wife and I will be by your side no matter what" seems to be their motto. A Filipina wife (asawa in Cebuano and Tagalog) will work tirelessly all day long, never asking for anything, with a smile on her face and a song on her lips. They will endure almost any condition without demands. Not only will an asawa not ask you to help with the dishes or other housework, she will insist that it is her job.

Cheche with a few of the family kids in Anda, BoholShe will carry a "face towel" with her, only to wipe your sweaty face or back when you are hot. She will offer to massage your foot (or any other part) if she senses that you are tired. She will offer to wash your feet in the shower and scrub your back and generally take care of you like no other.

I am not talking about loyalty, even though many western husbands of Filipinas would describe their wives as loyal beyond reason. In my experience, loyalty leads to complacency, taking each other for granted. The ideal, in my opinion is mutual devotion and unconditional love.

Before you leap to a conclusion about the hard-working asawa, let me quickly disabuse you of the notion of getting a domestic slave. As a husband (bana in Cebuano, asawa in Tagalog), you have a responsibility to her her as well. Your primary responsibilities to her are to love her unconditionally, to provide for her according to your means, to care for her and her family, and to respect her. If you live up to your responsibilities, you will have an incredibly satisfying marriage.

It is advisable to hire a "house helper" to do the chores around the house like laundry, cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, grocery shopping and alike. A live-in helper costs 1,500 pesos (US$35) to 2,000 pesos (US$47) per month, plus room and board. A house helper will unburden your asawa from these chores, allow you to travel without leaving your house empty, care for your pets, and to deal with issues as they arise.

Ageless


Happy Filipinas are ageless, playful and easy to laugh. But my point here is not mainly about her but her attitude towards age. In western cultures, older people are marginalized, ignored and shunted aside by youth revering Madison Avenue mentality. In Asia, age is respected and the wisdom of experience is highly valued. Your asawa will not care if you are 50 or 60 or even older.

Cheche in front of the Ben Thanh Market, Ho Chi Minh City, VietnamEarlier this month I had an occasion to visit the US Consulate here in Cebu. While waiting my turn I overheard a man in his 70s ask the agent about a "Legal Capacity to Marry" affidavit. The agent asked a few questions, among them, "How old is your fiancée?" The man replied, "19". It is quite common to see "May - December" marriages here and no one seems to think anything of it.

My wife is 29 years old (OK, 30 but please keep it to yourself and remember that the best ten years of any woman's life are those between 29 and 30), university graduate and without children. She did not think anything of my age of 60 (when we met and were dating, now 61). She never asked if I had money or how much, in fact, she never asked me for anything of tangible value.

Try to get used to the strange notion that your age does not matter here (unless you are looking for a job — good luck with that — it is very difficult for foreigners to get a job).

Frugal


A good asawa is frugal beyond measure. She has been raised to waste nothing, especially food. My wife saves every plastic baggie, every piece of string — it might be used again and again. She shops for the best quality foods but insists on the lowest price and will go to the trouble of taking a jeepney to the public market to get the freshest fruits and vegetables (on market days when the produce is freshest) at the lowest price. It may not matter to you whether she pays 65 or 70 pesos for a kilo of mangoes, but it is a matter of pride to her.

She will not make a remark if you spend 70,000 pesos for a motorcycle yet she will watch every peso passing through her hands — it is your hard-earned money after all!

Loving


A good asawa is affectionate and tender, loving and caring, gentle and kind — in every sense of the words. She will hold your hand public, hug you and kiss you without any prompting in private and she is an adventurous tigress in the bedroom. Once she grows comfortable with you she will lose all inhibitions and signs of shyness.

Cheche in Ho Chi Minh City, VietnamThe typical asawa material Filipina is very sensitive. She will react to your every mood and every inflection. Take good care not to scorn her or raise your voice or express anger towards her. If you get frustrated, be sure to explain that it is not anger directed towards her but you are venting your frustration about some event or circumstance.

I had one incident (so far…) with my wife during our seven months of married life. She is a cheerful, happy-go-lucky person with a child-like curiosity about everything. One day I got flustered about one thing or another and she gave me the silent treatment. You know it, I am sure. "What's wrong?", "Oh, nothing." kind of thing. I kept prodding her often, asking her to open up and talk about what is bothering her but to no avail. Finally, I asked to her to sit down for a serious conversation. I explained that is it not possible for me to have a relationship with someone who refuses to relate to me. Did she want our relationship to suffer or even end? She came to realize how important it was to me and she opened up. She told me that she felt I no longer loved her and that I was angry with her. I explained that in fact that is not the case, that I love her very much and I was just venting my frustration, of which she was in no way the cause.

Grateful


Gratitude is a naturally inbred attribute of most asawa-quality Filipinas. They are raised that way, to be thankful for the smallest blessings, to take nothing for granted. My wife is now an incredible cook — she cooks the most amazing European dishes with apparent ease. After finishing dinner she carefully prepared, she never fails to thank me for the food. She thanks the store clerk, the taxi driver and everyone who does anything for her. Before going to sleep, she thanks me for loving her.



Yes, I have been blessed; I am very fortunate to have Cheche in my life and as my wife. You might be wondering how I came to find her, to woo her hand and to marry her. Here is a brief version.

After having read about a bunch of Filipino and other Asian dating sites, I signed up with Cebuanas.com. It is a site where you can browse people for free but you have to pay a nominal fee to make contact. This is the very reason I chose them. The totally free sites seem to have more opportunists and I believe you get what you pay for. The women don't have to pay at Cebuanas.com, only the men. Nonetheless, there seem to be a better caliber of candidates there then any other site I have visited.

John and ChecheI signed up with Cebuanas.com for three months for $60 (they have a promo as of the date of this writing, you can get it for less than $50), thinking that if I don't find the love of my life in three months, I might as well give up. Within one month I was emailing (I was still living in the US at that time) with more than sixty Filipinas.

I had ranked all my contacts and paid most of my attention to the top three. Cheche was always number one, but the rest of them rotated positions as I learned more about them. I started using Yahoo Instant Messenger and Skype to video chat with Che and after about three months of getting to know each other, I arranged a three-week visit to the Philippines. I have been here before and I fell in love with the islands and I knew I wanted to retire to somewhere in Visayas.

Cheche is from the island of Bohol and she was working as a travel agency officer in Tagbilaran. This was great because she had access to a fast internet connection. She scheduled her vacation for the duration of my visit and we met for the first time at the Tagbilaran airport. I flew from Spokane, WA via Seattle, Seoul, and Manila to Tagbilaran, staying overnight in Manila to be rested and fresh for our first encounter. She met me at the airport with tears of joy in her eyes.

Cheche Making PogácsaWe had an incredible holiday on Palawan (where I originally wanted to settle) then returned to Bohol where I met most of her large family. We spent the remaining time on Bohol, thoroughly enjoying each others company. I left to return to the US with a heavy heart, Cheche bid me a tearful good-bye at the Tagbilaran airport.

We continued to stay in touch, knowing that there was more to this than a single encounter. She cancelled her Cebuanas.com membership and I let mine lapse. Six months later, it was time for another short visit. I booked a two-week trip (I was out of vacation time by then but not yet ready to retire) and we met for the second time at the Manila airport (NAIA). We enjoyed an incredible two-week holiday on Palawan (Busuanga, El Nido, Puerto Princesa), then Iloilo (Negros Occidental), Cebu City (Cebu) and Puerto Galera (Oriental Mindoro). It was a whirlwind tour as we were now actively looking at areas for us to settle. We said our good-byes with heavy hearts in Manila.

Six months later (November 23, 2010) I returned to the Philippines and left the US to retire here. We rented a two-bedroom apartment in Cebu City's Guadalupe barangay and got married on January 7, 2011. We have been traveling in the Philippines (at first), visiting many of the more than 7,000 islands. Lately we have expanded our horizons and visited Vietnam, Cambodia, Hong Kong, Hungary, Austria, and the Czech Republic. In a couple of weeks we leave for Singapore and Malaysia and have plans to visit Thailand and Indonesia soon. We are building our house in nearby Talisay. I have never been happier.

I just read a fantastic post about this topic, you might enjoy the perspective of a Filipina wife. Please visit An Eye-Opener for Both Western Men and Filipina Women at FilipinaAZ.com. It is well worth a read!

163 comments:

Anonymous said...

nice! i'm grateful everyday for having me as your wife!!!

Charles Harman said...

Hello from one expat to another. I definitely agree, my wife although young at the time was from a provinces of Negros near La Carlota. We have been married 7 years and have 3 children 6, 4. and 1. We own a home in Bogo Philippines but rent in Lapu-Lapu city (Tumulak Village) while my wife attends college. Being married to Marianne is and has been heavenly. We really do not have arguments, we do have disagreements occasionally but they are over in a short time. Marianne is one of the oldest students in her classes at 27 but does not look that old. If you are ever in my area please stop by for a cup of coffee or beer if you drink it. Please check out my website here plenty of photos of us and directions to our apartment. RetiringPhilippines.org

Link to how to get to us: http://retiringphilippines.org/2011/09/02/tumulak-village-mactan-cebu/
LInk to our story with photos: http://retiringphilippines.org/2011/09/16/charles-mariannes-story/

Charles Harman said...

When I met my wife she too was only 19 and me 58, but I don't look my are either. After meeting her and chatting for a couple of months I thought of discontinuing the friendship thinking she was just too young. And I had done that. Then her sister came online one night about a week or two later and turned the webcam around pointing it to Marianne and to me she looked so cute in her full gown, as she was the queen of her town. Her sister also told me don't let the age thing get in the way. So I called her over and told her I was on my way to see her. Read our story on my website RetiringPhilippines.org

The last two companies I worked for I worked as a computer room manager taking care of an IBM AS/400 mid range system. I also did some RPG, Cobol, and CL/400 or Control Language system level programming. Here in Cebu I build WordPress websites dirt cheap, and the business seems to have halted more recently, not sure why.

Anonymous said...

John

Thanks! You hit all the "high points" that I would struggle to explain to my friends here in Tampa. I am preparing to retire in the next three years to PI, with my wonderful wife, Jeanette, to the Angeles City area. Access to her family, expat community, air and seaports, and golf courses lead us there. Regards & keep writing!

Foster Seitz said...

Heh this was some really good reading. I worried that my GF would think I was too old.
She is 42 and I 65. She keeps saying your mature not old. lol

It sure is not like the states. I will e retiring in PI late next year. My GF agrees with me that Cebu is a good place. This website is excellent for my personal research about th PI.

Thanks for the reading material.

Foster

Robinson @ Filipino Women said...

While reading your story , I'm so touch Is that what they've called true love lol.
by the way nice post keep it up.

Sonny said...

Ei good for you you look good together

Anonymous said...

your wife looks like someone unwanted by pinoy men, 'atsay look'

Anonymous said...

only poor women would want an old geezer, it's disgusting to see an old man with a much younger woman. security yeah, feed the poor family and she'll be with you!

Charles Harman said...

There are many men here all ages married to Filipina wives, most have been married for many years. My wife and I have been married for 7 years now and have not had a single argument. We have three children and and have a great time together even though I am much older than she is. With age comes maturity and stability and they know it. If you are healthy the age makes no real difference. Our relationship has not suffered in the least due to my age. I have college girls here, friends, classmates, and teachers of my wife's college, who are from wealthy family's, and they ask me to introduce them to Americans or foreigners, so it's not just the poor that are interested either.

Ungaro said...

I am glad to see the level of interest in this post.

One of the many reasons I came to the Philippines because, unlike in the US, age (and everything that goes with it, such as experience, knowing what one wants and does not, and perhaps even a bit of wisdom) is revered and respected here. In the US, older people are marginalized, shunted, and relegated to senior storage, I mean nursing homes, assisted living quarters and the like.

I really enjoy my life here and have made many friends -- foreigners as well as Filipinos.

Anonymous said...

I married a lady from Manila about a month ago. We had corresponded via email, chat, and Skype for about a year before I flew over and met her. She lives up to all of the positive things said about Filipinas and then some - very intelligent and with a crazy sense of humor. I love you Jolina!

Anonymous said...

OMG! NO WAY!! how random!! im related to her in a way haha my dads cousin or something, but still!... loreto is my dad, im sure she'll remember but wow congrats!

Anonymous said...

Ungaro,

I really enjoyed reading this you are hit so many points so well! I am from Texas, I'm 60 single, grateful, and doing good. I just came to Thailand (Chiang Mai and Phuket) to check it out. I am going to Cebu from here. I would really like to contact you by email. I cannot seem to see your email on here so if you would share it I would appreciate it. I am sure we have a lot of common points of interest. Thank you for writing such a nice blog.

Best regards,

Bill

Anonymous said...

Hi Bill,
You are 100% correct. Although my wife is not young, she is young at heart and looks much younger than she is. I met her here in the California. Next year we will be retiring to E. Samar.

AR

Anonymous said...

Hello! Good post and I agree totally with everything you have said. I've seen some knuckleheads that met women in the sex industry and wound up never trusting them, go figure!

My wife is 26 and I'm 54. We've been married 10 months and are expecting our first baby (my first as well). Like you described she's never been married, has a bachelor's degree, was raised on a farm by a wonderful large and loving family on land her grandfather (92) has owned since 1941. She did not need me or the U.S. to be happy, she had that when I met her.

She is always accepting, loving and laughing. She's very sensitive to being loved and wanted and constantly shows love and attention. She asks for very little and wants respect and love and to raise a family.

I have seen a couple of these cases that were under researched and the man was looking for an object and not a companion that didn't work out. But I'd say that I have a friend who married a Filipina as well. His feelings are the same.

If you're not happy no one can make you happy either partner. But if you're looking for someone to share a good life (not necessarily money but happy life) I am very happy with my Filipina wife!

Joe, Texas

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I really enjoyed your post as it is almost identical to my situation.

I'm 35 (today actually..haha) and my wife now is 30. I got fed up with western women values after seeing common traits with all of them and my x-wife, so I signed up for an asian site (heart of asia) in hopes to chat and investigate if real values still exist among women in life and marriage.

And for the most part the filipina women stood out with all the values and traits listed above in your post, exactly what I was looking for in life.....and it wasn't long before there were many nice women chatting and emailing yahoo....etc.

But my wife always stood out (she was actually one of the first I contacted) as she was from a small town (Masbate City), her dad has a rice farm, and mother worked in the public works office. She was so genuine, caring, respectful, and gorgeous in my eyes...

I went to meet her in Manila 3 months later and stayed with some of her family there in cavite with her before travelling to Masbate city to meet her family. After the whole 2 weeks was over, I had no doubt she was genuine, and such a loving caring respectful soul....but her family too. I asked her to marry me before I left back to Canada.

Then, she was finishing a work contract in UAE, so I decided to pack up and plan to move as an expat to UAE to have our civil ceremony and be together for the duration of her contract.

We had so much fun, and memories together.....then we traveled to Philippines where we had our church ceremony, and then official honeymoon in Palawan.

I'm back in Canada and my wife awaits the completion of the immigration process as I'm not close to retiring, it seemed like the best plan.

There are really genuine,caring,loving women on the websites, and there are also some "bad apples" that have to be weeded out.....but that's like anywhere.

We love each other very much, and know God had this plan for us.

Ingat lagi to both of you, I really enjoyed your post.

Anonymous said...

im sure all your wives they are not pretty and they dont have stable job in philippines that's why . They are less quality

Anonymous said...

HAVE YOU GUYS EVER WONDERED WHY 99% OF THE MEN WHO LIVES HERE,ESPECIALLY IN CEBU, WITH A FILIPINA WIFE IS RETIRED OR ALMOST RETIRING AND THEIR WIVES ARE ALMOST ALWAYS HALF THEIR AGE?
SURE YOU CAN SAY A LOT OF THINGS BUT DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU KNOW THAT IF THOSE WOMEN HAVE A CHOICE TO HAVE A GOOD-LOOKING,YOUNG MEN WHO CAN PROVIDE FOR THEM,THEY WILL DROP YOU LIKE A HOT POTATO.WHY NOT TAKE THEM TO YOUR OWN COUNTRY,AND IF THEY STILL STICK WITH YOU UNTIL SHE GETS THE RESIDENCY AND CITIZENSHIP,THEN THAT'S THE TIME YOU CAN BOAST ABOUT YOUR ASIAN CONQUEST,BUT UNTIL THEN BETTER LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASK YOURSELVES THIS QUESTION...IF I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY,IS SHE STILL GONNA STAY WITH ME??
EXPATS MAY FOOL THEMSELVES THAT THEY GOT THEIR WIVES BY THEIR FUNNY PERSONALITIES AND STUFF LIKE THAT,BUT WE FILIPINOS KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR FAT WALLETS.
MOST WOMEN WHO GO FOR WHITE MEN OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR FATHER ARE FROM FAR-FLUNG PROVINCES,99% OF THE TIME ARE POOR,NOT EDUCATED, HAS A BIG FAMILY TO FEED AND NOT SO-GOOD LOOKING.
HAS ANYONE HERE 40 YEARS OLD AND ABOVE ENDS UP WITH A LAWYER? A TEACHER? WHAT ABOUT AN ACCOUNTANT? OR A DOCTOR? NO? THAT'S BECAUSE THEY CAN PROVIDE FOR THEMSELVES AND DOES NOT NEED SOMEONE TO FEED THEM BECAUSE THEY HAVE A JOB AND CAN WORK FOR THEMSELVES.
MOST FILIPINOS ACTUALLY SHUN THESE WOMEN AND THEIR OLD ATM MACHINES BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT IF THE OLD-FAT-WHITE GUY DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY,SHE WON'T WASTE A SECOND ON HIM.
YOU SAY AGE IS NOT AN ISSUE WITH FILIPINAS? ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A LOT OF FILIPINO COUPLES WITH THE SAME AGE GAP AS MUCH AS THE YOUNG-GIRL-WITH-OLD-FAT-WHITE-GUY COUPLES?? I DOUBT. THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING.

Anonymous said...

AND IT REALLY MAKES ME WONDER WHY THESE MEN CHASE AFTER WOMEN YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE THEIR KIDS?! I SEE IT 99% OF THE TIME!!!! OLD-FAT-WHITE GUY WITH A YOUNG FILIPINA!! DON'T TELL ME IT'S JUST COINCIDENCE BECAUSE YOU WILL BE LYING NOT ONLY TO THE READERS BUT ALSO TO YOURSELVES.
DON'T TELL ME CRAPPY STUFF LIKE "SHE UNDERSTANDS ME...SHE'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR".
FOR ONCE BE HONEST,SAY THAT YOU REALLY LIKE WOMEN HALF YOUR AGE,YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR KIDS, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE THE HOPE OF GETTING ONE IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY THAT'S WHY YOU GO TO ASIA,WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE POOR.AND KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING SEEN AS SOMEONE MORE AFFLUENT,YOU SEDUCE THESE WOMEN WITH MONEY.

YOU'D SAY "BUT I AM NOT RICH AND SHE KNOWS IT!"
COME ON! THE MINIMUM WAGE IN THE PHILS IS 12,000 PESOS = $300 A MONTH! IF YOU'RE GETTING ATLEAST $1,000 PENSION A MONTH,THEREFOR TO THE EYES OF A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE,INCLUDING YOUR WIFE, YOU ARE RICH!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last two posts, but I also agree with the Filipina being honest, caring, and the entire qualities western women do not offer. I’m a young professional from America who was looking for a woman with traditional values. I was glad when I met my Filipina wife. She told me the honest truth of Filipinas with old men. And the last two posts confirm exactly what she commented about older white men. I myself was bothered by seeing OLD men with young Filipinas during my time in Cebu. I was disgusted about the thought of using your money to pay for sexual pleasure…oppss I mean company from the young Filipinas. So I have seen both sides and I personally think you older men should just concentrate on the rest of your lives and leave these young Filipinas alone or court older Filipinas your age.

Anonymous said...

just like to add....I just talked to my wife about this and she made a very good point. If you OLD men LOVE the qualities of a Filipina then GO for Filipinas YOUR AGE. Since they have those qualities too.... opppsss I forgot.... you are not just after the inside qualities... you want to have nice smooth young skin for you know....makes me sick

Anonymous said...

I agree with the latter posts...these men are PREDATORS.just look at Charles Hartmann who's even proud to date a 19 year old girl when he's 58 years old! She's very young,young enough to be your grand-daughter! She haven't even finished college!

@ Charles Harmann
You met your wife when she was 19 and you were 58??? OMG!
This is the reason why a lot of white men are seen here in the Philippines as PEDOPHILES.
I wonder,why even chat with a teenager young enough to be your grand-daughter in the first place?? it's sick! sick! sick!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the latter posts...these men are PREDATORS.just look at Charles Hartmann who's even proud to date a 19 year old girl when he's 58 years old! She's very young,young enough to be your grand-daughter! She haven't even finished college!

@ Charles Harmann
You met your wife when she was 19 and you were 58??? OMG!
This is the reason why a lot of white men are seen here in the Philippines as PEDOPHILES.
I wonder,why even chat with a teenager young enough to be your grand-daughter in the first place?? it's sick! sick! sick!

Anonymous said...

shameless old american men can't get a women in their own country and they go to the Philippines to get a young body. What a shame! Plus, these men treat these women like piece of s...."she wears clothes from second hand"... Loser! You even can't respect her and by these words you show that you treat her like a domestic slave.

Anonymous said...

HATERS WILL HATE AND LOVERS WILL LOVE THATS LIFE. GENERALIZING IS A SHOW OF MENTALLY CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL. AS FOR ME I BEGAN MY SEARCH FOR A FILIPINA WIFE IN THE USA. NOT EASY. MOST ARE TAKEN AND FOR GOOD REASON. THEY SAY IF YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT. THAT IS WHY IF YOU GET OLDER AND YOU ARE NOT HAPPILY MARRIED YOU BECOME WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING NEW AND FRESH. MAYBE SOMEONE YOUR AGE OR ETHNICITY IS JUST NOT FOR YOU. NO BIGGIE. WHO IS SOMEONE ELSE TO JUDGE? FOR THE RECORD, YES PHILLIPINES IS A POOR COUNTRY BUT GUESS WHAT? A PHILLIPINO WOULD TAKE OUT A LOAN TO GIVE TO A FORIEGNOR IN NEED! I HAVE WITNESSED IT. AND NOT JUST YOUR FUTURE WIFE BUT ANYONE! THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST GIVING PLACES ON THE PLANET. A PHILIPPINO WILL SMILE AT YOU EVEN IF YOU JUST HAD AN UGLY FROWN 2 SECS EARLIER. THEY WANT TO BE HAPPY AND THEY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AS WELL. YES THERE ARE BAD APPLES IN ANY CULTURE MY ADVICE FOR THAT....DO NOT BEND OVER. THAT MEANS DO NOT PUT YOUR SELF IN A POSITION TO GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OR KICKED IN THE ASK. IT IS OTHERS THAT HAVE HANG UPS ON AGE THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM. MY PERSONAL DESIRE WAS TO FIND A WOMAN I CAN GIVE A BETTER LIFE AND MOST ARE NATURALLY ATTRACTIVE IN PHILLIPINES SO WHY NOT. I WILL SAY THIS....THERE CAN SOMETIMES BE A TRANSITION THAT A GIRL MAKES FROM HER EARLY YEARS THEN SHE GETS OLDER. THAT IS WHY IT CAN BE A REAL ADVANTAGE TO MEET SOMEONE YOUNGER..YOU CAN TEACH THEM ALOT AND THEY ARE WILLING TO LEARN. ALSO A YOUNG WOMEN GETS OLDER AND SHE STARTS TO BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND SHE IS NOT SO EXCITED TO HEAR WORDS THAT SHE HAS HEARD BEFORE THAT DID NOT COME TRUE. NOW I ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GENERALIZE HERE BUT I JUST WANT TO POINT THESE THINGS OUT. AS FOR WHAT PHILIPINOS THINK? THEY CAN BE A LITTLE..OK ALOT GOSSIPY BUT WHO CARES. AGAIN I DO NOT WANT TO GENERALIZE BUT THERE ARE SO MANY PHILIPINO MEN WOMANIZING AND MAKING BABIES AND JUST HOPPING OFF TO ANOTHER ISLAND TO LIVE. PHILIPPINO WOMEN WANT TO MEET YOU THEY WANT SOMEONE DIFFERENT SOMETIMES BUT YOU MAY OBSERVE THAT THEY ACT DIFFERENLY WHEN THEIR MEN AROUND...SHE WILL GIVE YOU ALL HER ATTENTION IF YOUR PATHS ARE CROSSING IN PRIVATE BUT LETS SAY YOU WALKING PAST GROUP OF MEN OR CONSTRUCTION WORKERS THE MEN MAKE THE WOMEN INSECURE TO GIVE YOU ANY ATTENTION. THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS FROM MY PERSONAL OBSERVATIONS. ALSO MANY HERE ARE EXTREMELY SHY...WOMEN AS WELL AS MEN...THEY WANT TO BECOME FRIENDS BUT DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU WILL REACT. THERE IS PLENTY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT AND THEY EXPECT YOU TO THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I DON'T. WHY BOTHER? WILL IT CHANGE ANYTHING? PROBABLY NOT. AS YOU SHOP FOR BANANAS MANGOS AND ANY THING ELSE HERE WILL BE PERFECT ONES AND ROTTEN ONES YOU JUST HAVE TO BE A GOOD SHOPPER. AS FOR PEOPLE PUTTING DOWN AGE THEY NEED TO KNOW DIVORCE IN USA IS MORE THAN 50% SO HOW ARE YOU AN EXPERT ON WHAT WORKS? I HAVE READ STUFF LIKE DARK GUYS CANT GET LIGHT PHILLIPINOS AND ALL THAT IS A BUNCH OF CRAP. BEAUTY IS NOT SKIN DEEP AND WHEN YOUR LIGHT SKIN BEAUTY GETS OLDER THAT SKIN WILL BE THE FIRST TO SHRIVEL LIKE A RAISIN. BUT TO EACH HIS OWN..WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY...PEOPLE GET ON HERE USING ALL CAPS LIKE THEY ARE AN EXPERT AND DO YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT PERSON IS LIVING AN EXTRAORDINARILY HAPPY LIFE? HELL NO. SO JUST ENJOY YOUR LIFE MAKE GOOD DECISIONS AND READ THIS STUFF AS ENTERTAINMENT LIKE I DO. HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR ALL.

Anonymous said...

these old men are racists, i think. What they are looking for? - caregivers, that will wash their foot, do massage, cook for them meals, etc. It wouldn't be possible to do such things with an european or american woman! I think filipinas should respect themselves a bit....then men will respect you as well!

Anonymous said...

it's our pleasure to serve our husbands. You call us (filipino wives) caregivers ? Thanks we are so! I see it as very nice compliment! =) and yes.. we can't do enough for our husbands.

Anonymous said...

I'm a Canadian man married to a filipina. It's true that they make the best wives in the world and you might think that they are submissive and don't have a mind of their own. It's a common misconception. The truth is that we should always remember the importance of keeping this as a TWO-way street. You always get back 2X what you give. I couldn't possibly be happier than being married to my beautiful, gorgeous, loving, kind and generous filipina.

Anonymous said...

you didn't catch my thought...Real relationships between a man and a woman are based on mutual respect! Do you think is it normal, when a man says "she washes my foot, she doesn't expect anything from me, she cleans my house, etc"? I don't see here any respectful attitude towards a woman! He treats her like a domestic helper! You know, it wouldn't possible for example, in Finland, where a man and a woman like equal, and if a man loves a girl, he will never say such things about a woman of his dreams! He gives her flowers, he cherishes her, he respects her and she feels that he is a real man. But in case with filipinas and their old western men i can notice only caregivers-servants and men that treat them like cheap ladies.

Zeegela said...

I dunno with the haters but I think this is one success story. I wish you and Cheche a long and happy life together.

Bechei said...

Wow! Every words you said. I agreed. What a nice inspiring blog. I like this. this is the truth. Love, love love. :)

Anonymous said...

"ALSO A YOUNG WOMEN GETS OLDER AND SHE STARTS TO BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND SHE IS NOT SO EXCITED TO HEAR WORDS THAT SHE HAS HEARD BEFORE THAT DID NOT COME TRUE. NOW I ALSO DO NOT WANT TO GENERALIZE HERE BUT I JUST WANT TO POINT THESE THINGS OUT."--> blah..blah... why don't you just admit you want young and tight p*ssy?? hypocrites!

Anonymous said...

My question is...Why do a lot, if not all, of white men ONLY likes young Filipino women??? Mostly,like the writer,has a wife young enough to be their daughter...or sometimes, grand-daughter for that matter.

Ungaro said...

First of all, race has nothing to do with it. All men, of all ethnic backgrounds prefer younger women. Maybe Anonymous likes wrinkled skin, sagging body parts and an attitude tarnished by many failed relationships, not to mention a legacy of children, bad debts, and the scars of having been abandoned by various Filipino men. I, for one, do not. I honor and cherish my wife, regardless of her skin color or blemishes of her body.

She is 32 years old -- no spring chicken by anyone's standard. She is perfect for me. Do you cherish and honor your wife or girlfriend, willing to be inspired by her at all times, take her on many foreign holidays, buy her flowers, candy, jewelry and other gifts? I did not think so.

Anonymous said...

i didn't mean that you could buy love of your wife by gifts, flowers, etc. I think you understand that i mean attitude towards filipino women. When an european man likes a girl he gives her flowers, not because he wants to buy her, just he shows love, respect, attitude and nothing more, and all normal men understand that. That's one of the reason why you dont look for a woman somewhere in Europe or in the USA -no one woman that respects herself will date with a man that doesn't have enough respect to her.

Ungaro said...

I was commenting on "Why do a lot, if not all, of white men ONLY likes [sic] young Filipino women???" The short answer is what I wrote in my previous comment about wrinkles, sags and baggage. The longer answer is in my blog entry about western society marginalizes men over 50 -- women do not even look at us, while Asian women seem to value experience, wisdom and of course, financial stability.

We just returned from a tour of SE Asia (Thailand, Malaysia, Myanmar). We saw many western men with Asian women. So it is not just the Filipinas who are popular. Filipinas enjoy preference because the language barrier is lower, they all seem to speak some English while Thais, Khmers, Vietnamese, Laotians, etc. not so much.

Anonymous said...

I just got to point out Age is not what its all about I am 50 and my partner is in her 30's so to all you that feel its all older guys in there 50's and 60's with very young filipina (18-19) well its not.

For me I wanted a mature older lady,I would have gone for a older filipina in her 40's but so many at that age are widows or separated with kids but still married and bring honest I don't feel I could take on someone else's kids,...

Also how many young women in western country's do you see married to some older television or pop star guy just because there some rich guy, so dont run down filipina on that because it happens in many western country's also.

My view if there both happy with what they get from there relationship then everyone else should just shut the hell up.

Its there life not yours and they can do what they want or do I see a hint of jealousy coming into this from some???

With many marriages in western country's ending in divorce around 50%+ They for sure cant do a lot worse and I do know many English/Filipina marriages were there is a big age gap, and were the marriages have been going many years that seem to work fine.

Its one reason I am doing what I am doing,.....

Anonymous said...

"women do not even look at us, while Asian women seem to value experience, wisdom and of course, financial stability." I think the first reason is the real reason why a lot of old white men go to Asia.They can't get a woman in their own country.

Whilst,those women value money..err...financial stability.Wisdom doesn't come with age...not necessarily because you are old means you have wisdom.

"Its there life not yours and they can do what they want or do I see a hint of jealousy coming into this from some??? "

Yeah,it's none of their business,but these girls ruin other decent Asian girl's reputation of being an easy laid.

just saying...

Christopher Frederick said...

while years of dating here in the states and enduring few failed lengthy relationships I became bitter with American women. It was after exploring more of the reasons why, when it dawned on me , its not the girls here that the problem they are really a product of the failed social structure that was once solid long ago ...its what American society has become over the last 40 year or more , our tv is polluted with sex ,and crime , or school are polluted with drugs and teenage pregnancy, school shootings, parent both working so our children are alone at home watching girl gone wild commercials, they are not going to church, they are having sex at younger ages , they see more parents divorced ,mothers are career oriented and not a home with infants they are dumped at day care for 12 hrs a day...well guess what I dont want that in my family.. i found my Filipina wife and she is family oriented,loving ,faithful, all the things positive, traditional,and simple. men here in the states prefer, their are a group of American men here that still prefer the traditional american women from before all madness. I was lucky when i found my Maribel... she never asked me for a dime she is loving and very caring , most modern american women here couldn't come close to the qualities of a good filipina women.When i began my search for Maribel I never once had the mindset that my money would find me the most beautiful young girl available , it never was a part of what my intentions. Ok most girls there are poor and i do Not blame them for looking to western men for husbands , there are reason why and its not just because of financial stability , I know of other reason as well, because western men do not considered cheating as ok , they know its wrong and we dont think its acceptable behavior unlike filipino men who think they can do as they please since they are the man and the wife will never leave , or the filipino man who does not work and relies on his wife to support him and the family, or the filipino that is always waiting on the job that never comes...what if she has a child and how will he support the kid making 80 peso a day, i dont blame the girl for looking for husband that can send their children to collage,or pay for medical insurance,ect ect... we both have needs I wanted a traditional women that valued family, and was a overall great mother and wife to my our kids .. pardon me for not wanting a girl with a long history of men, broken marriages, cheating , deceit, drug history, and not family oriented..... Pardon her for not wanting someone who will be the same as the americain girl just in the form of a filipino male ...so its really nothing more than getting the most out of life together and fighting for what we really want in a relationship and expect from our true love. PS if i can find all that in a beautiful young lady ready to be married and start a family with me then wow Im a lucky man ! if i would have found the same in a 40 yr old women then i would be just as happy ! Maribel is at the age 27, she knows what she wants and ready to do so with me ,im 43...I dont care about the 17 yr age difference, neither does she and frankly , you who are negative here, your answers show who you are and these positive post here speak long and detailed of love and a strong bond your negative comments are short and filled with hate... people like you make it easy for men like me to find loving filipina wives thank you !

Anonymous said...

Hi, thank you for the very informative blog. I'm 44 and I'm subscribed to another pay site looking for a wonderful Filipina bride. Can someone go over the pros/cons of marrying in the Phillipines vs. marrying in the States? Anyone have a detailed link or list of all the current forms, costs, steps, etc to finalizing residency in the States?

Anonymous said...

Go to visajourney.com. It's a good site and you'll learn everything that you need to know there.

Anonymous said...

A fantastic article. Some of the comments on this post are ridiculous...especially the ones that seem to be disgusted that young filipinas like older guys.

There are not many guys in this world that have more experience with filipinas than I do. I have been around the block many times in the Philippines.

I have been with women from Manila, from small towns in Mindanao and from many other places. I have MANY filipina friends of all ages.

EVERY single filipina I have talked to says they prefer older men. I have seen this 5000 times.

I have talked EXTENSIVELY to women from the bars and from the deep provinces. EVERY one said they prefer a older guy. And almost all said they really did not care what the man looked like. They wanted a man that was kind and caring. Filipinas are very simple to please.

Those of you that have an issue with a older man and a young filipina...that is YOUR problem. I do not know of one older man that would not love to be with a pretty, loving, kind, and devoted young filipina wife.

Why would anyone purposely go for an older woman unless that woman checked all the boxes the man wanted? But there are many older men with older filipina wives and gf. Whatever works for the couple is what matters...not what a few clueless people think.

I have talked to thousands of men from all over the world when I travel to the filipines...I have NEVER had one tell me they didn't like filipinas.

I do have to disagree with one comment. It is a very sensitive issue to me. The issue with bar girls being scammers. Yes, some are. But most are not. I have many many many women friends that presently work in the bars in the Makati PBurgos area. These are some of the best women I have ever met.

Most of these women are just doing a job...and most do not like it. They do not have a lot of options. If you think with the big head and not the little head you will be fine finding a really good gf or wife in a bar. I know of many men that have married bar girls and they are very happy.

My final point on this subject...if a man cannot find a sensational wife in the filipines it is not the fault of filipinas. It is the mans fault. Filipinas want to be treated with courtesy and respect first and foremost. If you do that and are a good family guy...you have 99% of the deal closed.

Any man, anywhere, that wants to find a great gf or wife should get to the filipinas as quickly as possible. I have numerous friends that are married to filipinas and all of them are happier than my American friends married to American women.

Filipinas are absolutely fantastic women and make great gf's and wives. Think with the big head, not the little, and you will be fine.

Anonymous said...

I am the author of the above post and I really need to comment more on the age issue.

You American NEANDERTHALS, or you NEANDERTHALS from other places need to get a clue.

Many women from many Asian countries PREFER older men. I know it is hard to get that through your thick outdated minds...but it is true.

As far as filipinas...MOST do not care about the age issue. They just do not put age at the top of the filter list when it comes to finding their husbands. Get that through your heads. These are filipinas...not American women that FIRST think about money and what YOU can do for them.

I know of many super happily married men in the filipines that are not handsome, do not have much money at all, and yet live very happy lives with their filipina wife and family.

If any guy gets scammed it is almost all his fault. It is so easy to see the scammers!! If they ask for money immediately get rid of them! If they seem to just want to go to another country and they see you as the way...get rid of them!! It is not rocket science!!

By the way...I know thousands of filipinas, not only in America but in the Philippines. EVERY single filipina I have talked to says they would RATHER live in the Philippines if they had a decent income.

This idea that all these filipinas just want to come to America or some other country is B.S.. I am at NAIA all the time...I have talked to so many women on the plane and at the airport. EVERY one has told me that if their husband would move to the Philippines or they had a decent job in the Philippines they would prefer to stay in the Philippines.

Guys...life in the Philippines is terrific!! If you can make it work do it!! There are differences in culture for sure and you have to think seriously about those differences...but if you are willing to adjust life in the Philippines is so much better than life in America.

I am amazed when I am in America at how many unhappy people there are even though we have so much to be thankful for.

In the filipines poverty, as many of you know, can be really serious...yet most filipinos are happier than most Americans I know.

And on top of the great women and beautiful landscape you will NEVER find a group of more friendly and hospitable people than filipinos.

Ungaro said...

I agree with most of the previous commenter's sentiments, except he is not the author of the post... I am. He is the author of the comment immediately preceding his last.

To give readers a more balanced view: the Philippines is NOT Camelot or Nirvana. The people are great -- friendly, happy, ready to laugh and to help. Filipinas make the greatest of wives, hands down.

The Philippines is generally a dirty and dusty country, with air pollution so bad that at times it is hard to breathe. Many households cook with wood and burn their trash, vehicles that do not belch black smoke are the exception. In the cities, trash is everywhere and open sewers can be seen in even some of the largest cities.

Municipal services are a joke. Rolling brown-outs are common on many islands, but especially in Mindanao. On Bohol the electricity can go out for a day at a time. Water pressure varies widely, sometime we have no water at all for many hours. Many households buy their own pump and water tank yet still pay monthly fees to the water utility.

Yet, we still live here and love it. But I frequently feel the need to give my lungs a vacation.

Todd said...

Ooops, sorry for making a confusing statement. Yes, I am the author of the two comments above the comment immediately above!! Hope that does not confuse. I will comment from now on with my name.

The reason I like this site is because I do believe you give a balanced view. No, the Philippines is certainly not perfect. But it is Camelot or Nirvana to some of us...even with the problems.

I have had no issues with the pollution in Manila...but I do know what you are talking about. Manila is my favorite place in the Philippines. Just so much to do there and some REALLY nice areas also.

Services a joke? That might be saying it nice!! I see things improving a bit in the last five years, but like everything else in the Philippines the improvement of services is very slow moving at times.

Great site...love the straight forward way you write.

Anonymous said...

For now, I will stay anonymous, but ste a few things from my perspective.

I am 44 years old. I am an american, and am in the US Aoir FOrce. I have been exclusively with asian woman since I was 19 years old. Why? Becaseu I like being treated like a man. I do NOT take this as a means to take advantage of women! On the contrary, I treasure women. they are beautiful and soft, and want only to be treated nice...the way girls are SUPPOSED to be treated! Pinay women, for the msot part, want to be held, loved and be taken care of. They want a real man, who will lead the family and "make everything okay". If she wants to pampaer you a bit, it is their way of showing their love. Talk is cheap...actions matter. SHOW you love, don't jsut say it. The very best way to meet a real pinay girl...is to become friends with an ex-pat and his wife....and ask his wife to introduce you to a nice filipina/pinay woman. They know which girls are the good ones. You do this, and you love and treasure the girl as your gift from God, and fellas....you will be very happy. Give the girl a child....and it's even better. They are raised to have babies and lvoe their men and children.

Anonymous said...

What a very interesting blog, im leaving in 48 hours to meet a filipina that i have been chatting to for a year now, she is 39 and im 47, as no disrespect to others i was pleased she was nearer my age. Im not sure what to expect so im going with an open mind, but hope we are for each other and that i like the philipines, ill call back once ive been.

Filipina Az said...

Wow, so happy to know that you are very happily married to a wonderful wife, especially from CEBU because I am from there and was born and raised in CEBU CITY. Talisay was my favorite place to visit. I have lots of friends from there who also married to Kano (foreigner). I also wrote about an article between Foreigners and Filipinas with neutral tone. If you could visit this article I would appreciate it so much http://filipinaaz.com/2012/02/eye-opener-for-both-western-men-and.html

Thank you, and please tell your wife cheche contact me. I would love to hear from her.

Neica Dela Cruz said...

Hi there. I'm currently an inter for an independent film. I was wondering if i can talk to you privately by email with regards to your post above. We are currently collecting pictures of Fil-Am couples for the independent film. I was wondering if I can include you and your wife's pictures.

I can send you a more formal email if you're interested. Thank you.
This my email address: neicadelacruz@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

But will a filippina stay with you, if you moved to the west??? Living in the Philippines, they will stay with you for sure, but once in the west they have options. I've seen many divorces, but in saying that 90+ percent of the time the husband is old or weird, s I can't blame them really.

Ungaro said...

To Anonymous @ May 15, 2013 at 2:47 PM: Generally, it would be a mistake to take a Filipina to the US. The environment and the culture will greatly influence, if not ruin her. This is a generalization and therefore wrong. It all depends on the woman.

I was concerned. You know the old saw "How will she like it on the farm after she's seen Paris?". Well, Cheche has seen Paris, Nice, Monte Carlo, Italy, the Alps and about two dozen other countries and she is still the same lovable, kind, humble, accepting and loving woman I married.

Filipina Az said...

Anonymous,
The only reason that Filipina left or divorce their foreign husband once they are in West Country it is because they have not been treated right, or being abused by these jerk husband who thinks they own these filipinas. If you give them a reason not to love you and you treated them badly of course they will not stay. If you love them, treat them like a human, do not treat them like a slaves then you will have a lifetime long happiness living with filipinas. Trust me!

caryl reyes said...

this is a voice of a professional filipina, who is married to a kiwi. i left my flourishing career in the Philippines in the name of LOVE. i can't blame others if they think filipina marry a foreigner for these reasons- to escape poverty and unattractive to the norm of filipino men towards physical attributes. but, i want to make a stand towards these common misconceptions that not all marry for these reasons . it is very disheartening for us filipinas married to foreigner for the reason of LOVE.

caryl reyes said...

and also i want to refute this shananigan towards filipina women that they are treated as SLAVE by their foreigner husbands . common, let us face the fact that filipina is quite domesticated though she is successful in her chosen career unless otherwise she didn't grow in the Philippines. since, we started to understand things our parents instill to us that we must serve our husband to the fullest because he is our LIFETIME MATE!

caryl reyes said...

erratum it is come on

caryl reyes said...

more so , age is not a detrimental factor of having a good de facto relationship/married life(am using the positive degree of comparison instead of superlative degree as we filipina women who have an early marriage life has lots to prove that our relationship/marriage to a foreigner is the BEST! we are still journeying this...grinning). so for those, who find this kind of relationship bit astonish, let us be emphatetic

caryl reyes said...

rather than to be an antagonist .if this is a way of helping their family let us be happy. one way or another they are not a liability of their family as well as of the government instead they are an asset because indirectly they are helping the Philippines economy( as my friends and i called it foreign aid...chuckling), no offense meant. so for those who are having a MAY-DECEMBER AFFAIR , stand still don't be disheartened because they will not feed you nor your family . they are just sour graping (my opinion ). anyways these are my point of views...

Anonymous said...

God, I won't marry an old, bald and fat man..In my country, marrying old men means marrying money and we are ridiculed for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous said...

How would your refer your father in law if he was younger to your age? How would he refer to you? In the West people refer or call the names of the families but in our society, we respect both the young and the old people and they have their own place to be. So born in a country where people are respected, I would not marry older person. Yes, I am married to a Foreigner, and he is just 2 years older to my age. Its not money and its all love. I am a business woman and I was even before I met my husband. I was not looking but maybe it was fate, it was meant to be.. so here we are happily married ever after...

Anonymous said...

if you married an old, bald, and fat man then you will be taunted.So i like to ask where is the respect? in my own perspective, no mattet what is yout color, race, age,belief and et. al; i need to respect it as in the society where i was born and raised , everbody is equal. This is the value that my parents, my teachers, my elders, and my society instill in my heart, mind and soul so am not in the position to mock and make fun filipina girls who married an old, bald, and fat man. Am PRoud to be a FILIPINA! I LOVE MY COUNTRYMEN!

Anonymous said...

erratum clerical error matter

Anonymous said...

these men are retarded and rejected by western women. They have zero chances to date even a woman of their own age in the western world. What love you are talking about when you are a young filipina and he is an old ugly american? They just use each other - she gets his wallet, he gets young piece of meat. Look at the industry of sex tourism in the Philippines, americans even molest little filipina girls and boys. They wouldn't do it in the Usa, but they do it in this poor country because know that they won't be jailed there.

Ungaro said...

To Anonymous @ May 23, 2013 at 3:43 PM: Your judgments and generalizations are, by the very nature of such things, are misplaced. You have the right to your own opinion but there is no place for your misdirected hatred on my website. Any future comments will be deleted.

The American expats I have met are some of the most intelligent, aware, interesting and educated people I have met. Sure, there are those who come here looking for some easy sex, but they quickly leave and never marry. Those who do marry a Filipina, are discerning individuals who study the local culture, get to know the girl's family and circumstances and make every effort to blend in, to adept to the local society.

Filipina Az said...

This is why I hate when some people generalize Filipinos or foreigners. I was 30 and my husband was 37 years old when we moved in together. He is to me at least the most handsome man. He is not fat, bald or old either but no matter what the situation whether the person married to a young or old don't just generalize people. I have seen so many successful interracial relationship who are happily married and No These girls married these older guys because they really love their man. To the anonymous who left negative comments I bet you are married to fat white lady. You are jealous of these western guys who married to a young beautiful ladies. Peace!

Anonymous said...

it is the inner beauty that counts(BY THE WAY I MARRIED MY HUSBAND , HE HAS NOTHING BUT HE HAS LOTS OF LOVE TO GIVE). i know lots out there Will raise their eyebrows but that is the real truth. i married him because of the inner beauty-A MATTER OF CHOICE IN LIFE. Not only foreigners marry young Filipinas ; there are some Filipino men have partner that are half of their age or filipina girls who have partner that are twice as old as them. so, this MAY-DECEMBER AFFAIR HAPPENS EVERYWHERE AND TO EVERYONE . ERGO, let us not be skeptic instead let us be optimistic that EVERYTHING WILL FOR THE BEST!

Anonymous said...

EVERYTHING WILL TURN INTO THE BEST!

caryl reyes said...

in a bunch of fresh apples there is always a rotten one. So, if there is a foreigner who did this act it doesn't follow that everybody is like him. same thing with any other race there Will be always a bad apple so, we don't have to generalize that the act of ONE IS AN ACT OF ALL! LEt us not be narrow-minded instead we have to be open-minded. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WHINE AND TO BE A PESSIMIST. Why not be A MAN AND WOMAN TO OTHERS RATHER THAN BEING INDIFFERENT?

Anonymous said...

before i left PHilippines my work is something to do with girls,who are surviving. THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST THE REMOVAL OF THE UNFIT- this is the reason why do young girls resort to an unlikely activity and others marry foreigners. THEY just want TO BREAK THE CYCLE . given a CHOICE IN LIFE , most of them don't want these things to happen in their LIFE ! this is the reason , i don't taunt them because their reasons are pretty well obvious , they are victims of parents negligence , domestic violence , and to greater view the Government itself! The above -mentioNed people have moral and psychosocial obligations to these girls but something is being address to these problems? so, one of the reasons i work hard in this foreign land is to send poor kids but deserving one to school.INSTEAD OF TAUNTING OTHERS WHY NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THEir LIVES! just remember this a finger pointed to others ; there are still four fingers that being pointed back to us!

Anonymous said...

WHAT A LOT OF BULL SHIT FROM MEN WHO CANT GET A PRETTY YOUNG FILIPINO WIFE. WELL I HAVE DATED YOUNG DENTIST A LAWYER HERE IN THE PHILIPPINES IAM OK BUT BY NO MEANS RICH. IAM NOW MARRIED TO A VERY BEAUTIFUL 25YR OLD MODEL BELIEVE ME IAM NOT YOUNG.

Anonymous said...

Boy Then I'm Bad ! i am married happily to a Cebu Gal and i am 48, she is 23. I am here to tell everyone that these women are a True Blessing. I will flat out tell you why they will not marry men there and are looking for older Americans. For one the men there abuse them, second they are made into slaves, and third they are expected to prostitute for their husbands at times for Alcohol or Gambling Money. I know some people will be upset over this. Not once has she ever asked me for money. She had the choice to live in the U.S or near her family. She did not care. So i chose not to move her to the U.S. All her family sing songs to me. They are very loving and very devoted people. You people that think age has something to do with Love. I will tell you flat out i was wrong and the worlds idea is wrong about this. 25 years older makes all the difference in wisdom. Nearly all same age marriages fail in every Country. And i will tell you this. Us old white fat Americans know how to love, adore, cherish, and be faithful to our devoted wives. And my fat wallet owns 40% of several businesses there and provides jobs in the Philippines for many employees. So stop complaining and become better husbands and love and respect your own Angels. And i wake early every morning and here these words--> ikaw ang lahat sa akin. And she has my heart too.

Filipina Az said...

Awesome! nice to hear that someone has found a blessings in filipina's arms. For I myself is filipina and married to an American man. I couldn't be any happier. He is my everything. Married for 4 years and being together over 8 years. We never miss a single day seeing each other. Each day is a blessings to have a husband waking up right next to me and telling me how much he loves me and how happy he is having me in his life. Good Bless You all!

Anonymous said...

I am Asian and I am 40 and so is my husband. We are growing old together and finding the journey beautiful. How are Old men marrying a young girl or vice versa finding your life? Care to share to show the world, that nothing matters in life!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Cant wait to tell my story. SBN

Anonymous said...

he is the ONE THAT MATTERS TO ME! My OTHER HALF! CRB

Anonymous said...

I just spent the last 7 years in China and when I returned to the U.S. the first thing I noticed was how morbidly OBESE American women are. Most Asian women respect themselves and their bodies. Now who on earth wants to marry a FAT pig?

Anonymous said...

very well-said!

Filipina Az said...

lol you made me laugh so hard when you capitalize Fat plus pig. omg you are too much and yes you are right. I was browsing yesterday the top fattest states is Mississippi, Arizona is the 15th, and I think the top 2 is New Orleans. I don't know but I believe they rest to much seafood gumbo and greasy food down there.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only foreigner in the Philippines that is not with someone less than half my age? Actually, my wife is older than me by 4 years. I am 25 and she is 29. The woman I am with now is older and already has 2 kids. I had very little money when I met her and I did not have a place of my own. Now we are living together and are expecting our second baby. No, she does not look like a fucking katulong. She actually looks younger than me and has whiter skin than I do. I will give a mother fuckin' Snickers to anyone of you who can find a couple just like me and her.

Filipina Az said...

So what is your point? who cares if you married to an older lady or young! What matter is that you found your gem. She is not materialistic, she is good real, she is not taking you down financially, she is not lazy, she is not FATpig and the plus is that filipina age well.

Anonymous said...

some american women are fat, some not, but there are ( in the Usa and Europe) a lot of women who keep themselves fit and look gorgeous. And of course they will never date old and fat american men, only because that these women are picky and look for men of their own level, age, and looks...

I'm Only Human said...

Not all women are alike and certainly those from the PI are among them. My experience has been the opposite in finding the women I have seen demanding, not frugal and secretive. I have met the ones who say they are kind and attentive, but reality is as long as they get their way. Any form of criticism is reacted to with immaturity. Again not all women are the same, but there are those who are like this and worse.

Anonymous said...

I am in Manila having a lovely holiday for a few months with my Cebu girlfriend. My experiences so far, since I first me her last year are very similar to your own, and we hope to marry within months at her province in Cebu. We will be going to Cebu city and her province, also to Bohol for an extension of our holiday, still have to find somewhere to stay, maybe her family in Bohol can advise us. I will return to UK then come back to marry her.

When my wife died I had no wish to meet another woman, and as 60 I approaching the very idea of meeting and loving a 21 year old BEAUTIFUL young woman is totally ridiculous, except now in reality it isn't, it works.

I wish I could meet you, talk to you, and learn from your knowledge and experience because you are a few years in advance of me regarding the relationship with a woman from the Cebu area. I'm learning as much as I can, as fast as I can, and so far loving this culture. It's a big change for me, a culture shock, but one incredible enjoyable journey for the rest of my life.

Ungaro said...

Hi Anon,

You can contact me via http://jkorondy.com/Contact -- we are traveling in Europe, but we'll be back in Cebu in November.

Anonymous said...

I guess it was very disrespectful to generalize all young filipinas married to an older foreign guys. I was married to my American husband when I was 34 & he was 67 & we were blessed to have a beautiful daughter who's 19 yrs old now. He passed away 7 yrs ago now after 14 yrs of marriage. We both had no complaints & lived a great life together...." never paint us with the same brush"...

Paul said...

I have lived in Cebu for almost 5 years. I have really learned a a lot and I know I still don't have all the answers regarding the Phil-Am relationship. In my experience, the following is absolutely true:
1. Filpinas, in general, consider foreigners more attractive Physically then their Filipino counterpart.
2. Some foreigners do want to take advantage sexually of young, pretty Filpinas, but as was said earlier, those guys usually are transient and are not intent on staying in the Phils for long periods of time.
3. VERY old, fat, and ugly foreigners do have a harder time finding attractive younger Filipinas, but its not impossible.
4. Foreigners who look down on their Filpina gf's and asawas do much worse, and their women are more likely to take advantage of the guy, which he deserves anyway.
5. If the foreigner is older, decent looking, clean, nice and loyal to our asawas or gf's we will be happy and the girl will appreciate and love the foreigner.

Be realistic and honest. Good begets good.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I'm very happy for you that you have found a lovely wife. I am, BTW, a Filipina, 28 years old, engaged to a wonderful American man, 34 years of age. I agree to a lot of things you mentioned, being a loyal, care-free, loving and mindful to her husband / partner. I understand that it is your opinion/personal experience and could be taken as a generalization, however I find some descriptions used to be a bit impeding.

I come from the Marikina City, university graduate like your wife and have worked in Manila for 5 years before I moved to another country to work again - as an expatriate. I met my fiance just a few months before I left. We have been keeping it together for a year and 8 months when he proposed. We are together for 2 years now.

Now I just want to say I'm a hard-worker, I'm pretty successful relative to my peers. I enjoy traveling and although my family have never been a fan of leaving the country, as soon as I was able to afford it myself I have traveled abroad by my own means. I have traveled to 11 countries, multiple times, all by my own means, some for business, mostly for leisure.

I wouldn't call myself simple too. I had - I would like to call it - "a phase" in my young adult life when I succumbed a lot of my hard earned money on material and senseless whims of my youth. I love traveling, I love fashion too - not to say that I'm shallow - but I would consider my taste to be pretty classic. At some point I was thousands of dollars in (credit card) debt. I grew out of this phase - albeit demanding excruciating self control - got my act together again and am now financially stable, with a pretty good savings account. BTW, I have a younger brother whom I send to the university back home, and a grandmother whom I offer some support too - from my own salary. So you see we are not that well off.

With 2 oceans between us, my fiancee had to travel a total of 20 hours of flight time to be with me one time. Back when I was new to my job and didn't have leave time off. To show my appreciation, I paid for his hotel stay. One time we agreed to meet somewhere halfway, but his flights cost more, so I paid for our domestic flights. We see each other quite regularly. We generally split the bills 60-40 - I allow him to spend a little bit more because he wants to be the man. For his birthday though, I booked him a 5-course private dinner on a beach in a resort, he was completely blown away - apparently nobody's ever done that for him. More than the cost, it was the creativity surrounding this gesture that he appreciated.

As for chores, I hate them. My father could afford a maid / house-help, but he wanted my sisters and I to learn how to do chores. As a teenager, once/twice a month I would wash a week's load of laundry for a family of 6 (task rotating among my 2 sisters and myself). Now, a lot of times, I let my fiancee do domestic things, I don't even offer help, I'm not gonna pretend I like them to be appealing to him. Besides he cooks better than I do (stereo type killer!). Needless to say, my fiance loves me for who I am. I do offer him massages, that's one thing I enjoy doing and which he appreciates.

The point of my very long comment is, although I know your intention was to elevate the status of a Filipina as a loving and caring wife; I just do not want others to have the wrong impressions that Filipinas are subservient maidens waiting for a foreign, maybe sometimes "older" prince to take her away to a comfortable life.

There are some of us who are ambitious, independent, professionally goal-oriented and self sufficient. I find it quite insulting to be honest, that we are being stereo-typed. And those who are gold diggers, just bring shame to the rest of us who just sincerely fell in love with a foreigner.

With that, I wish all the best to those who seek for a Filipina to be their wife / partner. :)

Ungaro said...

Dear Anon,

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. It was never my intention to stereotype anyone. Your expression of love for your fiancée is just as noble and sincere as are of those who are without your resources. Nowhere in my blog or comments do I refer to Filipinas as subservient or docile. Filipinas, like all humans, come with many different personalities -- some are assertive and some are not, some are expressive and others introspective, some are achievers and others are supporters. Far be it from me to try to classify or pigeonhole people into neat little boxes. We are all different, and I celebrate our differences which give us opportunities to learn from each other.

This would be a better world if we cherished our differences yet focused on the aspirations that unite us.

Vince Runza said...

I found the original post interesting, and some of the negative comments regarding Phil-Am relationships a real hoot! Those who judge relationships based on American/First World mores miss the point. “When in the Philippines, do as the Filipinos do”.

I've been researching the Philippines as a place for retirement since 2009, when I was researching places for outsourcing some of my work in online marketing. My real interest in the Philippines was sparked back in the mid '80's. I was living in Jersey City, NJ, and met two Filipinas (separately) that I found to be charming and attractive. One was a neighbor who had emigrated from Manila. The other was a student who sang in a Filipino “cover band” in a local club.

The singer was very young (18). The guys in the band were encouraging me to get to know the girl, which was a bit strange for me (being in my mid-30's). However, it was clear this was a nice girl and they approved of me as a person.

Now that I am 60 and thinking of my retirement, I am seriously engaged in contacting and exchanging ideas with ex-pats in the Central Visayas area, in preparation for my eventual move to the RP. I am NOT visiting dating sites. I do pretty well with women, face to face, young and old, right here in the US of A. I'm a widower who took the trouble to re-learn the dating scene.

While I am a bit round around the middle, I'm “somewhat good-looking” (according to my late wife's diary entry from the day we met), tall, well-spoken and self employed. I'm not rich by American standards, but I have enough to get by here.

My plan is to relocate, orient myself, learn the local culture and pick up some of the language (Cebuano). Along the way, I'll probably spend some time with local women, making it abundantly clear that I'm in no hurry to find a wife. Managing a woman's relationship expectations is vital, especially in a traditional culture where dating without an intent to marry is a very modern idea. I will eventually settle down with one (1) woman, who I'll probably find through networking with local people (Filipino and ex-pats) who have earned my trust and respect.

For those of you who react with horror to an old guy getting married to a young girl, get over yourselves! Filipina “girls” tend to be more mature than Western girls of a similar age. They also tend to be oriented towards love, family, respect and devotion – not the mall, social climbing, self-interest and overeating.

If that message does not reach you, perhaps you're just jealous that some old guy from America will end up with a lovely young woman that adores him, because he adores her, and they live happily ever after. If that's the case, it's your loss.

henryvelez said...

Taking it slow, being clear about intentions and always with an ear to the radar for things that just "don't sound right".. that's how you find a good woman in the Philippines. Most horror-stories I've heard from expats crying over their beer involve the sentence, "..so three months later we got married." It doesn't matter what country you're in, rushing into marriage with someone you hardly know is the surest path to confusion, pain and sorrow. But, for the guys who take their time, network with married couples and meet women who can be somewhat vouched for.. and then courting them for a year to get a sense of who they are as a person.. then a man stands to find a wonderful mate in life who will be the jewel of his existence.

Ungaro said...

Henry makes an excellent point which should be heeded! I would also add that it helps if you travel with your Filipina -- take her out of her element and observe how she acts in unfamiliar situations. Travel can be domestic or international but international is better. Before getting married, we traveled to Hong Kong, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore and all over the Philippines. It really does help to get to know a person to see how they handle stressful situations.

william newland said...

We will celebrate 20 years of marriage this September. My wife is from a big family in the province. She is beautiful, thoughtful, caring and loving. Most of all she takes care of me like no other person in my life. I am 76 and she is 60. The one thing I have to be so careful of is to not offend her when I get upset over some stupid thing (like losing the car keyes). When she gets hurt she will not talk, sometimes for days, sometimes just hours. If I apologise she is quick to forgive but she never forgets. Please, never offend a filipina unless you explain beforehand why you are upset. She is the best of everything in my life and I love her dearly. By the way, great article.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing about your positive experience in being married to a Filipino. There is so much racist propaganda in regards to the Filipino people on the internet, not to mention the stigmata against those who chose to marry outside of their own race. I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 22, so although there isn't as much of an age gap as some readers I still know I'll be labeled as a cradle snatcher and she as a gold digger.. yet the love I feel for her is just out of this world! Keep up the good work mate!

Karlota said...

30 years age gap? wowoweee. I guess it works for some. congratulations anyway.

Ungaro said...

What is time (in all its manifestations, e.g.: age) to a goddess who is eternal?

Anonymous said...

Just found out that my Filipina wife might be cheating on me. I spent a lot of time and money on her and don't want to lose her. Does anybody have comments or experience of a similar nature?

Anonymous said...

I am married to my second Filipina. I was married to the first one for 10 years. she was 19 when we married and me 42. it was a great marriage until she was about 28 and she started to want to go out with the girlfriends. girls American and Filipino both seem to change around this age. I read guys say the Filipinas are more mature than American girls but I say bullshit to that. I find girls in all cultures are quite the same. when American guys go to the Philippines the girls and their families believe that they are marrying into riches. yes I know there are exceptions. the girls also desire babies with white fathers. when I travelled to the phil with my first wife our daughters feet never touched the ground. one of the relatives were always carrying her. I would say at least 99% of Filipinas want a baby even if they say they don't. my current Filipina wife wants a baby as do her friends here. most of her friends are married to guys over 55 so this isn't likely to happen which can lead to problems. with my first wife I was in my late forties and had to have an operation to be able to have a child. now I am over 60 so it would be hard to have a child that I might not see reach 16. it is definitely something to think about when marrying a Filipina. definitely when you consider marrying a Filipina girl make sure you discuss this question and in the case of a girl under 30 I would just assume regardless of what they say they want a baby. Philippine families probably average 6 or 7 kids. now that I have stated some facts men don't think about I will state the obvious. Filipinas are generally very sweet and take care of their husbands well. having a girl more beautiful than any you could possible meet and date in the usa is hard to resist. my wife is so pretty and so fun to be around and of course it makes me feel younger just being around her. another thing I should mention is your wife is definitely going to want to be with Filipinos so get used to hearing a lot of Filipino language which you probably won't understand. also a lot of your friends here especially the women are not going to approve of your choice in wives. well all being said I don't regret marrying a young girl from the phil. I just wanted to let you guys know some of the problems you might have.

Ungaro said...

@Anonymous (wife cheating):
My heart goes out to you, bud. Here is what I would do.

Find out for sure if she is really cheating on you. This is no time for guesswork or suspicions. Follow her or have her followed, or whatever means you can use, but make sure.

If she is in fact unfaithful to you, then you have already lost her. Chalk it up to an expensive lesson and move on. You cannot unring a bell. You chose unwisely and you have to pay the price of a poor decision.

If you were mistaken, then apologize to her for having suspected her.

Abie Noona said...

This is really nice... I hope you guys well and happy! :) I am meeting my sweetheart this September...wish me luck, people! He's from the US and I am from the province of mindanao...My man is 43 and I am turning 29 next month. He's a Nurse and I am a nurse working as a Sanitation Inspector. So probably, not all girls from the province are uneducated...

Anonymous said...

Well , i beg to dis agree at some point.. Yes, indeed this is a good read, i have been working with few foreign nationals, and now married to my 3 year bf who is a foreign one. Who have been searching for his luck with Pinay's around visayas region and other provinces. But i am born and raised in the big CITY manila.. Yet my husband was shock cause i never really ask him any cent for anythin at all even when we were dating.. While my used tobe boss and other manager's and so always tell me on how much those ladies from cebu and other provinces scammed them and later on i found out that my husband also had those experiences and told me about him being shocked when me being in a big city living and raised here never did.. i think its better to point out that EVERY WOMAN is not the same.. And pointing out NOT EVERY WOMAN in BIG CITIES LIKE MANILA< MAKATI OR SO THE LIKE WILL SCAM YOU... just to be fair.. Cause im pretty sure you didnt date every ladies in cebu anyway so theres no way to find out.. I LOVE CEBU AND WOULD LOVE TO LIVE IN A PROVINCE i may have been living my life in a BIG CITY but I HAVE A BIG HEART FOR SMALL THINGS.. so maybe just try to be fair next time you do your writings.. its just not fair for someone like me, who have been proven by my bosses and my husband itself that its not true.. Well i actually send them this blog as well, and they all say its a crap to pooint out such..

Ungaro said...

Dear Anon @ Sep. 25, 2013 at 8:53 AM,

Of course, you are right. Generalizations, by their very nature are wrong. However, I stand by my statement and personal experience: there is a better chance of finding a simple, honest girl in the provinces than in the big cities and conversely, there is a greater chance of running into gold diggers in the malls of Manila and Cebu.

Thank you for your comment. All perspectives add to the richness of dialogue.

Tomoru-chan said...

I met and married a filipino girl when i was stationed in germany in 1986 took three years to marry her she is and my two daughters are the best thing in my life. My wife still has that pretty smile and is still just as sweet as the first day i met her both my brothers one is on his second wife and the other is divorced after two marrages ,,,, like you said filipino wifes are in a class of there own...Wayne from NC USA,,,,,watchman27613@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

I am an American barely 45, Look like 30! and never married, I courted a Filipina 20 years younger for 3 years I paid for her last year of college and 3 years room board living expenses. I visited her 2 times and was planing to marry her. Her family was so happy she found a good man and they accepted me into the family. So on my last trip I asked her for marriage and gave her an engagement ring, of course she accepted. All along I had been noticing how impatient she was and began to make excuses for not finding a job. Since I had taken a pay cut I asked her to please do her part, I have a mortgage to pay plus all her expenses.. It got out of hand. Last I saw her was end of summer 2011, by the following year I had finally come up with enough $$ to get an Immigration attorney and began the process for Fiance Visa. At my attorney advise she told me not to say anything until she filed all the paper work.. Thats when I received her message Via FB!!! that she was breaking off our relationship. Why? She said because she was tired of waiting! Little did she know I was on the verge of filing for her visa...Just a day before she ended things I hadI sent her her monthly allowance of $500.. 3 weeks later mutual friends of ours told me they saw her with a very old white man in his 60 - 70s... They asked here what happen to your Fiance? She said this is my ne BF....When I found out I was in complete shock and denial. I though it was another person not her..... well a year later she is now living in the U.S. with this man who is 40 years her senior yes a grandfather!!! And I though that I was pushing it with 20 years difference.. I was never so humiliated, ashamed and yes very angry!!! all in all it cost me over 20k not counting my trips and all the things I bought her, computer phone, glasses Much more.. Sigh...

My attorney was so angry for me she asked if I wanted her o file a fraudulent marriage complain on her and him. She told me because I had so much information saved to prove our relationship that there was definately cause for Fraud investigation on both of them.

Well I though about it and decided that two wrongs don't make a right and because I truly loved and cared about her that as painful as it was I had to let it go. It was not easy getting over this betrayal...Mind you I have lots of Pinoy friends both here and U.S. and all where ashamed of what this young lady did. But they had also warned me to never sent money...All along I said yeah but she's the one...My Pinoy friends are all Ashamed because they don't want anyone to think that they are all this way.
Moral of the story don't send any $$$ to any girl. If they truly love you they will not ask...
and if you are lucky and find a good one, get a prenup just in case!!!

Despite all this I still am very fond of my Pinoy peeps!
No I am not Pinoy I am Mixed Latino/ Irish.....

Ungaro said...

@Anonymous, Oct. 9 at 1:22 AM: Wow, man! What a story. I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but you are not alone. There are lots of little gold diggers in the Philippines. I am sure you've had many "red flags" along the way. One of them is the $500 per month. A vast majority of working pinays live on less than $100/month. My wife is a college graduate, had four+ years experience in the business at the same company and she was making 4,000 pesos per month.

When I was at the selection/dating stage, I immediately dropped any girl who asked me for anything. If it was money they asked for, I didn't even hear the end of the question, I was out of there so fast.

You can find a girl with good values, ethics and judgment. There are out there. They have a hard time understanding that all you want from them is unconditional love, built on mutual trust, respect and integrity. I would chat with them about things important to me and in a relationship in general, long before I would even meet them.

Back to red flags: if they are texting while they are with you, if they correspond with other guys while claiming to be your girlfriend, hiding the truth from you in small things and big, asking you for a new phone or a computer or money for medical expenses, always choosing the most expensive dish on the menu, and disappearing for days without forthcoming about what they are doing and where.

All the best to you in your future liaisons!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your response sir.

I have been to Philipines 4 times in all. I seen every major Island too.
First time I went just to see the WWII battle sites.where my grandfather fought in WWII, he helped liberate Manilla from Japan. He use to tell me the Filipinos where the kindest most generous people he ever met...He always cried when he recalled the battle for Manilla for years he could not look a Filipino in the ye because it would bring back memories of what he saw. He use to tell me he wished he could of saved more of them....... I'm glad he is not alive to know what I experienced, I think he would of been very heart broken...

I think it will be a few years before I can trust another Filipina again :(

God Bless and take care!

Anonymous said...

@ Vince Ruza
Get over yourself! Geez! You're not good-looking, duh?! Women will not even take a second look at you on the street. Stop hallucinating that you are desirable, because you wouldn't go there to find a date if you are. What's wrong with these old geezers???

Anonymous said...

well im a filipina, 25 years old, a nurse here in the phil, but fall in love with a 48 years old bachelor from NZ. were not poor, we own a 20+ hectres of agri land while my boyfriend owns nothing. i can say that we are more rich than him. i am a good looking(peolple say):), my boyfriend not so much but seems like i am more in love with him, than he is with me. i had Filipino boyfriends,2, one is in australia(a vet doctor), one in california (mech engineer) but my relationship with them not work.I wanna get married soon and have my own family,but my foreign boyfriend seem so choosy or maybe he is not sure about me? lol dont know. anyway i read all the post and some give me hope. goodluck everyone, regardless the age hope everyone can have a long last and wonderfull relationship.

Anonymous said...

At young Lady filipina, 25 nurse , keep looking there is a good man out there for you... I am single :) late 40's Live in California.. not rich just work... Good Luck

Anonymous said...

At the poor man who lost his fiance to older westerner Sorry that happened it could have been much worse. My GF's brother married a young Filipina 5 years ago she was very humble and nice at first after a few years she changed to a materialistic girl who only care to shop and spend his money. She also began to send thousands of dollars to her family with out his knowledge until he began to notice his accounts and credit cards maxed out.. so he finally get a divorce. Sadly he did not get prenup so she some how got his house and she even got to stay here in the U.S On top of that he had to pay for her Divorce attorney fee's!!!. My GF's brother is an ER Nurse and former Marine so his salary is very high.. He was left brokenhearted and in debt by this selfish young lady. Although he is only 38 now and she is now 27.. so age was not issue. He also found out that she was cheating on him with other men... This sadly happens more often than we think.

Anonymous said...

I think most women all over the world want economic stability. Many, many women marry mostly for the money, in many countries.
I would like to marry a younger Filippina (or other SE Asian) girl, who wants to be my wife. Am I an old guy trying to take advantage of a poor, younger woman? Let us see.
My current wife is striking, and most guys want to have sex with her really badly, because she is so desirable. She is older than me. I recently found out that money is #1 for her, and about all she cares about. I try and treat her really well, but she is not having it. She wants to be alone.
So, after marrying an older, good-looking woman, I now would like to marry a younger woman, and I don't care if she is great looking, or not. I want someone that will let me treat her right, and who will treat me well.
I wonder what this "Anonymous" woman who writes hate on this site would think of my situation???

Ungaro said...

Hi Anon @ Oct. 24, 8:57 PM and thanks for your comment. I heard a great saying not long ago. "Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it much." Be yourself and follow your heart.

I have found an incredibly good, kind and beautiful woman on http://www.Cebuanas.com who has become the best wife anyone could ever want. You have to be discerning and selective, but the good ones are out there.

I want to leave you with another thought. In SE Asia, there are no old men, only wise ones. There are no fat men, only prosperous ones.

Dan Stevenson said...

I've read each and every post on here. I have met and fallen I'm love with a beautiful 30 year old Filipino. I'm a 50 year old black business man. I spent 2 weeks in Manila with her which made this 50 year feel as if i was 30 again. I'm a widower and just wanted to live the last half of my life just as happy as my first half. I didn't wanna go through the dating scene here in US because so much has changed. You see I had been married for 21 years. Its like my life has a new chapter with this woman, btw we expecting a baby I'm March. I support her because no woman of mine gonna have to work carrying my baby. She's everything you described and more. I enjoyed your story, nice to see others happy like I am. I'm presently working on her visa to bring her to Georgia. To all the negative minded people. CTFU, you have no clue what true love is.
Signed
A very happy and blessed man

Clem said...

My name is Clem. Me and my ex separated 4 months ago and he told me that he don't love me any more and went to be with another Girl but i am still in love with him and need him back I try to get him back but all my effort was in vain until I reach out to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of a spell caster, I decided to give it a try, I contacted him and tell him my problem. He cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of three days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise my ex came back to me and beg for forgiveness promise never to live me again. I am so happy my ex is back to me again, thank you Dr Oye for reuniting me and my ex back together again. If you need him to help you Email him on abuyespelltemple@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

how come you cant find someone younger in your country? MONEY, youre seen as rich here, only poverty stricken undesirbale pinays would want an old westerner

william rice said...

Hi, I have been *wife hunting* so to speak off and on for awhile. I have never been to the Philippines yet but i have engaged in conversations with many filipina's and i currently am having a distance relationship with one, who I hope to visit in the coming months. We skype, chat, phone talk etc etc.She doesn't want my money because frankly, I have none..and she knows it. We both agree to prenup and we both agree to work and both support kids. She doesn't care if I get her a visa. If she does then what do I lose? Nothing, we both can look for someone else. We are similar age, just two lonely hearts, neither of us is perfect, neither of us is ugly or drop dead gorgeous, neither of us has a perfect body, we are a good match :) Now my perspective is that scammers, gold diggers etc are in every country. So are predatory men, in every country. The vast majority of the filipino people I talk with are kind, compassionate, intelligent, ethical human beings. Sure, older men vs younger women, there is an element of security involved, that is natural, nothing wrong with that, if there is mutual respect and love then that is what counts in the end. You can't keep your eyes closed to the ugly truths out there but being overly cynical isn't good for the heart...Be smart, go with your instinct and gut.

gary jones said...

Im married to a filipina..some are commenting it is demeaning that my wife will - wash my back in the shower-help me to dress-serve me in various ways ....so then is also demeaning that we will clean our childs dirty backside-help him to shower -clean up after he is sick....then its also demeaning that i will get out of bed to go to work at 6am every morning ...that i will sacrifice my own comforts for my wife and family ....its not demeaning ..its my pleasure ...

Jade said...

Hi, for those who are still searching for love and romance. I suggest you try www.driftinghearts.com. It's awesome and FREE.

Anonymous said...

How come you cant get women old enough to be your daughter in your own country? why just in the Philippines? I think because these ladies are poor. You dont see a rich Filipina with an old western man old enough to be her dad. Many are losers in the western world but can get a young filipina, but these ladies are usually less educated not wanted by many pinoys.

Anonymous said...

To the exceedingly Negative poster right before me:

You must be living such a pitifully unsatisfying life. Your idiocy is exposed with every venomous word you've written. If you don't believe in love or doesn't have the empathy to appreciate its positive effects on others, then, leave this thread and stop being redundant.

We get it. You're negative and bitter, not to mention ignorant. So get lost. You don't have to be here, you know.

Anonymous said...

Once the filipina gets what she wants from the older foreign husband, she is not going to stick around for the old guy to kick the bucket. She will kick him out of the sand box. Game over. With his house, wheels and bank account under her belt, the next time she goes prowling for western men on a local dating site, even a 5-year age gap will be too big.

Anonymous said...

Filipinas saying and doing virtually anything to get out of the Philippines and into a Western country isn't the worst of it. If emigration was the sole driving motivator then half of the other problems which are caused once they emigration would not eventuate.

After emigration, they are obsessed with accumulating assets (being other people's) through anything means necessary, be it through marriage, fraud, blackmail and extortion. This is all necessary so that they can house and feed their extended family members back in the Philippines.

Anonymous said...

Older guy gets female companionship, good cooking sex, etc. Filipina gets lifted out of poverty, better life, and a nice estate when the old man croaks.

Anonymous said...

i commend the blogger for such a very informative and factual ideas presented. needless to say i am still in awe reading comments from everyone who in one way or another has experienced what it had been like to be in an interracial union. i say, people will always have something to say about other's choices but there's no need to be judgmental about them. age gap, financial stability, physical differences are all but shallow reasons to state when pointing out the pariah in one's decision. yes, these are factors that could be affective when one chooses a life-time partner but there's just so much more to consider than just following the superficial facade our society has implanted in our consciousness. bottomline is, when two people are happy being with each other then who are we to question the underlying motives within their relationship? as long as these people don't hurt you or slam your ego, let them be. let's be wary and realize that whatever comes out of our mouths is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves.

Ungaro said...

Well said, Anon @ 12/5/2013 at 12:54 PM! My wife and I are back in the Philippines for a while after having lived in Europe for eight months. The adjustment is difficult, to say the least. It is amazing, how much we take for granted in the "first world", like having the lights come on when you turn on the light switch, like having hot and cold water at every tap when you open it, like having sidewalks you can walk on, air you can breathe, tap water you can drink, public transportation, clean and fast roads -- just to mention a few.

The relationship with my wife of three years is growing stronger. Having lived overseas has not changed her much, she is still the humble, loving and caring woman I married. She still does not ask for anything and graciously accepts what is offered. She fends off family and friends' incessant demands with grace and aplomb, explaining to them that it may seem to them that we live like royalty, we in fact have a budget which does not include giving money away willy-nilly.

When friends and family heard (I mean, have read on Facebook) that we are coming back to the Philippines, she got HUNDREDS of requests for "pasalubong" (gift upon returning from a trip). She patiently explained to them that we have 23kg baggage allowance each, out of which 18kg is needed for clothes and other necessary items, leaving us a total of 10kg for pasalubong. Having received about 400 requests, it means that they can come and receive their 25g of chocolate each at their convenience. Funny.

nancy Alfred said...
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Anonymous said...

@ anonymous 26/11 7.76pm, 4/12 11.12pm, 4/12 11.13pm
Some hubs (not this one) have been established with the aim to denigrate the Filipino race & country. Such hubs categorize Filipinos as scammers, sly, manipulative, lazy & worse. The authors delete posts that don’t support their view & consequently the hub becomes a feeding ground for those who are racist against Filipinos. One particular hub is:- Why do so many men report bad Filipina dating/marrying experiences? http://ulyssesulysses.hubpages.com/hub/Why_do_so_many_men_report_bad_Filipina_dating_marrying_experiences
The authors ( objectivelyspeaking, TanfromAustralia & Ulysses Ulysses) love beating their chest with back & forth denigrating banter. Shame on them!
My last post to that Hub which was deleted read:-
“ You denigrate the Filipino people, their culture & country through your many unsubstantiated, generalizing racist posts. In reality you are just racist pigs!
Your data trying to back up your argument is so old & limited it’s ridiculous. In business, stats say, give a client poor service, they tell 13 others of the experience, however give a client impeccable service & that client tells only 1 other. So get real, your hub consists of a few that have been burnt through a failed Western/Filipina relationship, however 10 fold are not even telling their story because they are busy enjoying their beautiful lives! And then there are the posts you delete…what a joke!.
You say how the Phil economy doesn’t contribute. Well:-
Source - Crikey - Independent media, independent minds article dated 21/11/13
Phil economy posted sustained growth every qtr since PNoy won power. Phil is now considered one of Asia’s investment bright spots by international financial institutions & economists. GDP growth reached 7.5% in 2nd qtr 2013 after 4 qtrs of annualised growth above 6%. Phil is the fastest growing economy in s/e Asia & on par with China.
Economic boom spreads wealth wider in Philippines, Teresa Cerojano, Assoc. Press, 4/7/13 8:49am
In this May 17, 2013 photo, trading continues at the Phil Stock Exchange at Makati city, Philippines where the Philippine economy skyrocketed 7.8 percent in the first qtr, outpacing China.
I’m an experienced traveler in Phil & know many there. Most Filipina are genuine, loving, caring & faithful, yes FAITHFULL to their partner & yes for life. Of course those western men (& they are many, not the majority but still many) who travel to Phil to sleep with 10 or more Filipinas & then pick 1 as a wife on their first visit & get her a visa asap are asking for trouble. Not because their new Filipina wife will try to rip them off through some scam, but simply because this type of man is an arsehole just wanting a young beautiful Filipina wife who he can sleep with, get his house cleaned, have all his meals cooked, & generally treat her as subservient & second class. These guys, which thank God are not the majority, end up in trouble keeping their marriage together & then cry ‘Scam, Scam, Scam ’ when it fails. In fact these guys are the scammers, yes scamming genuine Filipinas.
Decent guys who take the time to build a proper relationship will find the most loving beautiful partner in a Filipina. Sure, a Filipina wants security, but security for her is simply the knowledge that when she wakes in the morning that she, her husband and her children will have food, shelter, safety & love… nothing more. Australian woman in my dating age group (late 30’s to late 40’s) also want security, difference is though, they are driven by material wealth making them a riskier proposition for guys like me. My advice to guys in a similar situation to me is to not discount a Filipina for a lifelong partner. I’ve had the same loving, wonderful Filipina partner for the last 3 years and I know first-hand that Filipinas are beautiful and gentle, with the vast majority being very caring, loving, faithful & genuine.

Ungaro said...
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Ungaro said...

@anon at 12/7/2013 at 12:10PM: Thanks for your post, anon. For your information, I WILL delete posts that are shameless promotions of (often) unrelated products or services, and those that are offensive or racist. I WILL NOT delete any post which disagrees with my point of view, even if I know from experience that the post is inaccurate or even false. The difference of opinions adds to the quality of discourse and different experiences allow the reader to gain a wider, more realistic perspective on the subject.

Anonymous said...

I found out that every Filipina that I was talking to on a regular basis, was simply out to use guys living in the U.S. or other western countries for money, visas and resettlement abroad. It's that simply!

It does not matter to them what you look like, how tall you are, your age etc... This is what gets a lot of guys snared by these women; they think that they are just lucky to have found an attractive (Typically younger) Filipina, who shows interest in them. From the Filipina's perspective the guys is a means to an end.

Anonymous said...

many of them are from poor family, if they get married with a filipino man, what future is wainting for them?
in philipines few choices are given to these poor people to change their life for the better, getting married with a foerigner is one of them. their husbands age doesnt matter, what matter is change their life better ,

in a few years their husband will die , then they can inherit husbands fortune, and they can live comfortable .name of the game.

Anonymous said...

Marriage and visa scamming has now become synonymous with the Philippines to the extent that it has become a cultural signifier. Filipinas tend to shun their own Filipino men as suitable marriage material, as their own men are generally financially ill-equipped to facilitate the social transitions that the Filipinas desire for herself and her extended family members. This is indicative of a subconscious form of racism and social and biological rejection of their own kind.

The Filipina ‘scams’ foreign men into marriage by projecting a hyperbolic, stylised and false image of herself in order to appeal to these men. This image is usually presented as one which is unconditionally loving and accepting, non-materialistic, simplistic, passive and most significantly, very sexually eager. From the perspective of the foreign men, these qualities may seem lacking in genuine Western women whom are unlikely to have any ulterior motives for entering into relationships with their own men and whom do not exhibit those characteristics. Thus these men find the (false) appeal of Filipinas very alluring as they present themselves as an ideal ‘alternative’. Most of these men at first are unaware of this false persona, which is why relationships of this kind appear at first to be harmonious, at least at the stage when the Filipina is yet to attain her goal(s).

Ungaro said...

Yes, it is true that many, if not most Filipinas are looking to raise their standard of living through marriage to a Westerner. As with many things, this desire is also relative, it may exist in small measure or be the dominant force behind the hunt for a husband.

As I said in my original post, one must avoid the "gold diggers". My wife openly admitted that raising her standard of living is a part of her motivation to marry a foreigner, but first and foremost she wanted a "good man" -- honest, honorable, responsible, supportive, caring, loving, nurturing yet decisive and strong. Part of her definition of a "good man" is the ability and willingness to support her and in a small part, her extended family.

All relationships are trade-offs. We trade some of what we want for some other quality we value, for there is no perfect wife, husband or human on this planet. I was willing to trade my financial support, desire for a highly intelligent and sophisticated partner for my wife's youth, joy of life, willingness to adapt, relentless hard work and devotion. I could not find these qualities in Western women. I got a very good deal and I am very happy with my choice.

Filipinas are incredibly adaptable. This is one reason that I have cautioned against taking a Filipina back to the US. They will become just like most American women over time, unless they have solid values and a viable spiritual (not religious) foundation. Having lived with my wife in the Philippines for nearly three years, I took her back to Europe. Living there for the better part of a year hasn't changed her.

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous 15/12 at 11.55am & Anonymous 15/12 at 12.02pm & Anonymous 15/12 at 12.10pm. I posted the Anonymous post on 7/12 at 12.10pm.

In Australia, you have dating sites like RSVP, Tinder, E-harmony, Match.com, Myfunbuddy.com , SlapperSex dating, flingfinder, adultmatchmaker.com etc etc etc.

Are you guys kidding! Western society is so much more corrupt and sexually promiscuous than the Philippines will ever be. Sure there are scammers in Phil, but please!...look at the west. A high percentage of women on the dating scene in her early 30’s to late 40’s are on the hunt for money (not love) let me tell you. Look at the divorce rate in Australia and the states…what a mess!

Give the Filipinas a break! In fact they are so much of a less riskier proposition to the western girls it’s not funny. Yep, there are scammers for sure in Phil, however any bloke with any nous can sort out the real from the scam very easily. Scams are so easy to pick & only those that think with their D & not with their head get caught.

The scam slammers will bag not just a few scamming Filipina but they try to bag the whole Filipina race with the same brush and they are wrong. The majority of Filipino women are beautiful, loving, faithful, sensual and its been well known throughout history that Filipinas are some of the most beautiful women on the planet.

So to those doubters, to those too scared of scams, I say to you, look past the facade, just be cool and use your head, visit Phil and you will have an experience of a lifetime and if you take your time, be kind and gentle, you will find the girl of your dreams who will turn into your wife for life. One tip, don’t take her back to Australia or the US, it’s a huge culture shock. Several surveys show that 65% of Filipina looking for a foreign partner do not want to leave Phil, they would much prefer to settle with their man in Phil and lets face it with 7,107 islands to choose from it is a paradise.

Anonymous said...

Please shut the fuk up for the sake of everyone on this forum......thank you

Anonymous said...

i am 33 years old my husband is 40 his western i am filipina ,10 years married no kids,the problem is i dont love him anymore,his a good man and he care a lot about me ...the problem is me i dont love him anymore,i never cheat him and i dont have relationship to other guy,i wanna leave him but i dont know where to go i am alone in life i dont have family to go.pls advice..

miss jade said...
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Anonymous said...

To John:
Hands down to your great marriage. Wish you more loving years together!
The world needs more of you and your wife.

To all the anonymous haters:
First of all, your crooked perception of life is as disgusting as your words. Open your eyes. The world is more beautiful than you think.

I am a Filipina and proudly married for 4 years to a wonderful American husband. Our age difference is 20 years, and guess what - I have never been happier in my entire life. And knowing I will spend the rest of my life with this man, who first of all RESPECT me, love me, and accept me for who I am, is the best thing ever.

ON CHOOSING AN OLDER MEN & WHY A FOREIGNER?
For the nth-time, YES. We, Filipinas, prefer older men to settle with, whatever nationality. Why? Here's why: Women mature earlier than men psychologically. And women need a mature, sensitive man. Why would you prefer a Filipino man whose priority is to party all night, get drunk with his buddies after playing basketball, and chase all the fair-skinned young Filipina girls. I am not saying all Filipino men are like this. But there is a vast majority of them. I have Filipino brothers and sisters, and what more, my father is a Filipino man! I respect and love them, but there is this thing called "culture", that dates way back the Spanish colonization era, where Filipino men are so used to having a nice Filipina wife, who can cook, take care of the house, the children and the mighty husband, and at the same time be faithful and loyal to them. Population-wise, there are many women than men in the Philippines. So Filipino men tend to take for granted what a Filipina woman can offer them. So, these virtues of a Filipina are oftentimes overlooked by most Filipino men. Another thing, most Filipino men prefer a whiter complexion woman. If she looks like that Korean woman on that tagalog-dubbed Korean TV Drama, then she's the one! It is so sad that this is happening in my own country. You can't see a TV-ad showing an Aeta (Filipino Ancestors as Native American Indian in the States) eating Jollibee (Philippines' most famous fastfood chain) hamburger. There is really prejudice that exist there for dark-skinned people. And it's a shame. (I am brown and I am proud of it.)
And then there is this Western gentleman, who appreciates you for all that you are, no matter if youre black, white, pink, or blue. As a woman who wanted to be appreciated and loved unconditionally, who would you choose to be with for the rest of your life?

Anonymous said...

Con’t:
ABOUT MONEY
Everybody, I mean, men AND women, but especially women, have the right to find a partner she knows can take care of her financially. It doesn't mean she is being a user or a gold-digger, it just means she is smart to know that starting a family is not all sunshine and rainbows. It takes effort... and money. Why would you choose a Filipino man whose barely earning money to feed himself and have a big family (parents, brothers and sisters) that still rely on him. "Independent" is a word that needs to be taught more in the Philippines. I graduated college with a Bachelor degree. Worked for 3 years as a planner in a manufacturing firm in the Philippines. And then 3 years as a secretary in Saudi Arabia where I met my husband.
During my working years, I supported my family, which is common for every Filipino. To help your family especially your parents since you are single and have a good job. But sometimes this becomes the excuse of some of the family members to be LAZY. They don't push themselves harder to better their own life and expect the other family member to take care of them continuously. And sometimes the worst on this are the Filipino men. Never thinking that "I am a man, I should be the one stepping up." If you will notice, it’s mostly the women in the Philippines that step up like a man.
I am not generalizing ALL Filipino men. There are good decent Filipino men out there. I've met a few, but either they are married or they are soon to be married to a very beautiful Filipina.
All I'm saying is that if you found a person that is totally ready for commitment as you are, respect you and accepts you for who and what you are, loves you, can give you a decent life, won't cheat on you, admires you from head to foot: Why would you be punish for choosing him as your partner in life just because he is older than you? When I say older I didn't mean 17 yo girl to an 80 yo man. For me, in my own humble opinion, that is just not right. But then again, who am I to judge?
My husband's and I 20 yrs age difference not at once hinder us from enjoying each other's company. We work out to the gym together. See different countries together. Talk about life, politics, overpopulation in Philippines, Catholicsm, etc. We face problems together, we try to find a solution together. We sort our life together and plan ahead. In short, I love him and he loves me and we have a great life together regardless of our age differences.
My point is, why would you criticize a marriage that you don't even have a tiny bit of knowledge about, and accuse them for using each other? That is just so dumb and stupid. Im sorry.
By the way, I am from PROVINCE of Zambales and yes have a big family. I am also educated and a professional. Surprise.

Ungaro said...

Thanks for your insightful comment, Anon ("ABOUT MONEY"). Your viewpoint and background are very similar to my wife's.

Simeon Banner said...

How sad the poor lady is exploited into marrying a man who is her Grandfather's age. Deluded to..

Ungaro said...

@Simeon Banner: Your conclusion of exploitation is based on what fact? Do you mean the way you exploit poor third-world workers when you buy your cheap junk at Wal-Mart? Or the way you exploit the migrant farm worker from Mexico by paying only $1 for a head of lettuce? My wife will openly declare that she has been blessed beyond her wildest dreams by what I have done for her. Maybe you have lots of people saying that about you, Simeon?

john guthrie said...

Ungaro thank you for your inspirational story. I was married to for 25 years and my wife treated me like dirt. She finally came home one day and said, she no longer loves me and I needed to go. So I left. I tried dating other American women, it seemed all they wanted was my money. I met a Filipino woman online, and so far it has been a wonderful experience, she is 45, and I am 43. thank you for posting such a delightful story.

Chris Wolfster said...
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Chris Wolfster said...
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Chris Wolfster said...

Ungaro's wife was a grown woman when they got together, a big age difference true, but why should it matter if they love each other? A 50 year old with a 18 year old is a bit of a stretch for me too, but if they can make it work, and above all else Love each other, why should it matter either? Money wise... I guess many think the American is just buying love or the Filipino is a user, but if you love someone, don't you want to do for them? Take care of them if you can? Have you heard of Hugh Hefner? I do not personally know him, but look at the "women?" he has had and married. He has lived 2 of my lifetimes and has had plenty of relations with those 18 year old "women." I truly hope he married for love, but I'm sure not all those relationships were about love. And he is certainly not the only one in our Western culture... Money can "buy" love anywhere just as quick.

How sad and bitter some posters appear to be here that some can actually find love with someone younger... Like it does not happen in the states. Age is not the main point though, I'm sure not all "old and fat" Americans end up with a younger Filipino wife. I am not an old or fat American, but I would be just as happy to meet one any age that loved me for me. I have seen personally how much Filipino family values put us to shame here in the states. Yes, there are always users everywhere, but for the most part they have much higher family values... I wish I could say the same for the few American girls I have dated or even known. In the end.... if one or the other is just a user... it will not last no matter Who you are or Where you are from....

Ungaro said...

Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Chris. I have not defended myself from acerbic posters because my conscience is clear and the truth doesn't need my defense. This summer, we have brought my mother-in-law to Europe for a 3-month holiday, so that this 60-year-old English teacher could, for the first time in her life, experience ways of addressing social needs that do not involve polluting and the destruction of the environment. She absolutely loved it here and she returned home with tears in her eyes.

Anonymous said...

Due to the nature of my business, I have arranged many introductions of filipinas with Americans or foreign men. There are good and bad people everywhere. Here's what I have to say is that love in all cultures and religion is give and take. If two people, regardless of their culture are attracted to each other then that's what they call love. There is give and take there too. Love builds with time as well. A man has to watch for the signs. So if filipinas are looking for a mature established man, and the counterpart is looking for a young girl who will make him feel good, then that's love and nothing is wrong with that. To each their own. I don't think anyone can judge and say that your using them or treating them as caregivers. It entirely depends on the two people. There are many incidents in US where older women have married younger men, otherwise the word cougar wouldn't exist. However, both sides should look at what they're getting into, and treat others with respect and make each other happy as they please, then it's all good. As for those who think that filipino women are poor so they give in or american men are looking for a younger girl or a caregiver, in any culture and society, if a man becomes a couch potato or just doesn't care about his family, then your beautiful so called loving woman will turn into a witch kick you out of the house in a heartbeat, regardless of the flowers and chocolates you have given her.

Anonymous said...

I married a philipina six years my seniorwho grew up in Australia. Everything was great we had a wonderful relationship for years, then we had kids. I work ten hour days six days a week in construction yet I am told I am a lazy worker. I spend every other day and night at home with the kids yet I'm a shit dad. I have no friends now, then I get told I'm all ways gas bagging on the phone. The only time she is nice to me is when she wants more money or something. She conned me into buying and investment property so we are one mill in debt, and she still thinks we have money every where to spend. She has been increasingly aggressive and abusive all the time. I should have got one from Phil I would have been much better off.

Ungaro said...

Hi Anon of Aug. 10! You know, there are some bad apples everywhere. The thought that occurred to me after reading your post was just how important it is to set boundaries early on in the relationship. The Filipina is very adaptable, so the man has to lay down the law as to what is acceptable and what is not. Failing that, she will go seed -- act as if anything goes and nothing matters. This seems to be the the theme of our times and she will adapt to it unless you guard the boundaries.

Anonymous said...

It is obvious why some haters are confused. They do not understand the reality and basis of a long term commitment-type of love. What they see as love is merely infatuation, hence when the raging hormones settle in a year or two and the passion of the moment fades, what do they have left? Yet, they will create several absurd and deplorable excuses as to why their once hailed true love marriage has failed. In the meantime, the marriages of the young Filipinos and their older westerners continue on and on and on. Damn Filipina scammers, how dare they waste the best 15 to 20 years of their lives on an old white pervert? hehehe

The women who waste their time writing these hateful replies are exactly the ones who will bail on their husbands if their household falls on hard times … and we all know it is always the man’s fault for any financial hardships the couple might encounter.

Less we not forget the young negative male commentators too. The “know it all’s” on this site, the ones who possess a vast and endless knowledge concerning the subject of love. It will be these still “wet behind the ears” young boys, the little boys who only a few years before were still living with their mommy, with mommy picking up their underwear off the floor every day. It will be these knowledgeable young boys, who in less than 5 years of marriage to their soul mates, will encounter another pretty young thing at the office and within a couple weeks or months will be deceiving his precious one and only. And to add to their misery, in less than a year he will be caught and he and his lovely wife will become part of the 50% failed marriages. While the large majority of dirty, rotten, gold-digging Filipinas and their old perverted bastards will continue on and on and on, adding to the 50% of on-going and successful marriages.

I am 63 years young. I was married to an American woman for 39 years until she passed away 4 years ago. Please don’t tell me the reasons why people marry and what love is or is not, you little snots don’t have a clue. Most of you little squirts no nothing of the male/female relationship, other than where to stick your genitals, which is exactly what gets you into problems in the first place. I have not remarried to a white or brown woman. But if I ever get the urge to take the plunge again, I will look first in the Philippines … you can take that to the bank.

I’ve spoken to more than a few older men who have married young Filipinas, from church ministers to truck drivers and 90% of them are exceedingly happy. Show me another country that has a small population of adult women from ages 18 to 37 who still have their virginity, Where??? The USA, Canada, or pray tell Europe? Haters go away to another site that will buy into your perverted view of marriage.

Ungaro said...

@anon, Sep. 7, 12:13 PM. Thank you for your insightful comments! We seem to have much in common -- I am 64, I was married to an American woman for 20 years and then stayed single for another 15. I have been married to my incredible Filipina wife for nearly four years and I would marry her all over again, even tho she is 33 now ;-)

Much has been said here about the keys to success of Fil-Am marriages. Still, I want to emphasize one key success factor because I have seen some ugly failures of such marriages.

You must agree early on in the relationship on clear boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not. Such boundaries might be obvious or even self-evident in marriages within the same culture, but they are not so in Fil-Am marriages. Failure to set boundaries will be the cause of lots of frustration and pain.

Perhaps some Westerners are attracted to Filipinas because they themselves are amiable, easy-going and are uncomfortable with direct confrontation and thus seem to be an ideal match for the adaptable, accepting and amiable Filipina. Be that as it may, clear, unambiguous boundaries must still be established and the consequences of violating them must also be transparent and accepted.

Anonymous said...

My fiance is quite a bit younger than me,I met her as a penpal,our relationship grew and now we are engaged,I now understand the posative mentality and energy of these fine women.It is not about money,as so many of you know yourself. I see the same truths in her as so many of you have expierienced.I will meet her in April and work to bring her to the U.S.I would have no relationship with an American woman.I have 2 children and have met the finest woman I could hope for.She is my best friend and has already helped my children Talks with them and spends time on the internet.We talk and discuss about family and our lives together.Yes I trust and respect this woman.People who judge us fasly and with negativity do not understasnd,or are biased.I pity them their anger.She has given me comfort and peace,I could not find a better wife and companion for myself.

Francis said...

Hi Ungaro and Cheche.
I am very grateful for your observations and discussions. Your words on life, love and relationships have been very helpful, comforting and inspiring.
So thanks...

Anonymous said...

There is actually a running joke in the Philippines that the local Filipino boys marry the good looking "mestiza" girls. The foreign men marry their left overs: these are the single mothers, the ex-hookers and yep, the butt ugly ones that even department stores like SMs and Ayala won't hire them because well, ....they're ugly!

Anonymous said...

The most important warning for me is if you have kids from a previous relationship, be prepare to either lose your kids or witness them suffer a great deal of torture and hatred by your Filipina, she will totally destroy your kids, they are vicious and will totally destroy your kids.

They want you to accept theirs but won't accept yours.

Anonymous said...

If the Philippines were a true Christian country, there wouldn't be so many teen pregnancies and adultery among themselves to start with. Weren't the filipinas rejected by their men for being "off the tracks" used then discarded by these same men in the first place? It is nothing more than all-encompassing hypocrisy from start to finish.

Anonymous said...

If filipinas are honest with men from the outset of the relationship and inform men of the extent of financially dependency that would follow into marriage and those men make an informed choice to sign up for that type of marriage, then that is a matter for men. If those men have the money to do it and are willing to do it...then it is a matter for them.

However, the reality is that most filipinas misrepresent to men at the outset of the relationship the extent of financially dependency that would characterise the marriage. Filipinas and men are not on the same page when it comes to their motivations and expectations for marriage.

She expects to marry him for the financial security of her and her family so that they all can rely on a steady, ongoing stream of financial support to make their lives more comfortable, so that her parents and siblings do not have to work or do not have to work as hard. They all want the trappings of a material lifestyle with the least possible effort or exertion on their part...by financially exploiting the filipina's first world husband of as much resources as they can possible extract from him.

On the other hand, the first world husband of the filipina is led to believe by her (and her family) that he will be marrying a woman who is attractive, submissive AND have the values of Western women when it comes to financial independence....this is what I call a 'cut and paste wife' (in that men have superimposed all of the qualities they desire in a woman and remove the undesired qualities to create a woman who does not exist in reality but only exists as an illusion). Men under this assumption expect equal financial contributions to the marriage by their wife, yet ultimately find themselves being drained financially on an ongoing basis because the filipina wife is committed to financially support her family as part of her cultural and familial obligation.

If we were to truly understand the core of this issue as arising from filipino people's desire to obtain a more affluent lifestyle for themselves instead of meeting the demands of poverty and a culturally ingrained laziness, it would put things in a proper context.

If having enough money to have shelter and buying enough food to eat is the core problem, then filipino people could still make the choice to work to feed and house themselves. Granted, they do not earn very much compared to people in first world countries and it is unfair, but it's the reality of the world. If the filipino people can shed their crab mentality and collectively change their own economy, then perhaps that is when they can expect to earn more money.

But the underlying issue is that there is such an ingrained cultural attitude of laziness that people do not want to work. Having a bad economy does not mean that people do not have to work to feed and house themselves. However, what makes it worse is that these people expect to be handed a first world lifestyle including all the trappings of a materially comfortable existence. That is why the outrageous cultural expectations inevitable lead most filipino people down the path of pimping and prostitution themselves and financially exploiting people from first world countries. With that belief and expectation...what other viable path is there for them to take?

Here is the precise formula for this cultural phenomenon:

Not wanting to work + cultural belief of entitlement + expectation of wealth with minimal exertion = prostitute/pimp.

It is in that context that first world men are targeted to be scam victims.

You say in your post what extent of financial support is appropriate? Beyond the issue of "how much", the question of "WHY?" is much more pressing to be asked non-rhetorically. Why should men find themselves financially drained for the entire duration of marriage because a group of people who don't want to work or help themselves need to be provided with a lifestyle that is on par with Western standards?

Anonymous said...

Well ... there is truth to the above comments concerning a Filipina intentions in securing a western husband. However, don't we all possess our own type of hypocrisy?

Forgive me for being somewhat sarcastic concerning one of the above posts, but I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I’ll throw his thoughts back at him with a different twist. If the United States and the remaining first-world countries were true Christian countries, there wouldn't be so many teen pregnancies. There wouldn’t be thousands of young underage girls and many more unwed adult women using contraceptives. And, how about the wide spread adultery cases among the western masses and the divorces that follow? And, how about the hoard of materialistic women from the first-world countries?

Oh yes my anonymous writer, truly Christian values. I hear you saying, “We are Christians”. I hear it, but do you walk the walk? How many out of wedlock experiences and intimate partners have you had? I wouldn’t pick up that stone if I were you … it may burn your hand. You can be assured if not for contraceptives and abortions in the USA and Europe, our out-of-wedlock-birth numbers would be staggering, and may dwarf the percentage of unwed Filipina pregnancies.

Ungaro has stated on several occasions, “You must agree early on in the relationship on clear boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.” Very true, my American wife and I did this way back in 1971 and our marriage lasted until she prematurely passed away in 2010. I can state from experience this method is successful more times than not. It is a philosophy that works for all cultures and marriages, and it can short circuit potential abuse by either party.

It puzzles me how we western men take it so personally and negatively when Filipinas want to share some their husband's wealth with their families? Many hard working Filipina OFW’s do the exact thing with their own well-earned wages. Helping not only their immediate family, but also aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and even their in-laws ... it’s their culture dude! How does that old saying go? Oh yea, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. Yet, we keep trying to fit our square peg beliefs into their round holed culture, only to whine and complain at the subsequent failures, and then claim all Filipinas are misrepresenting themselves.

In mentioning honesty and integrity, how honest and transparent are we at promoting ourselves to these young Filipinas concerning our own financial status and omitting possible limitations? I would surmise we are as selfish and self-centered as the mirror images we are trying to lure into our beds. However, I will admit there is a blatant issue that seems to be generalization, but nevertheless is a glaring negative among Filipinos … the lack of originality. What they see the western world do … they mimic, albeit a bit delayed.

Anonymous said...

Rebuttal to the post of Anonymous October 4, 2014 at 4:34 PM to October 4, 2014 at 4:50 PM
I have a few useful formulas to use while choosing your next wife or husband:
1. Good Thoughts = Good Words = Good Deeds. If they possess these attributes, they are more than likely a good person.
2. It is completely delusional to conclude that physical beauty has anything to do with goodness. As they say, it is only skin deep. True beauty lies in the heart (mind).
3. Spend time together = Spend time together = Spend time together
4. Never judge a book by its cover. Cheesy but true. More accurate judgments can be reached using rule # 3
Finally:
5. Chinita = Oriental mix = Slant eyes = Sexy. Good mind = Good woman

6. Mestiza = Spanish mix = Sexy. Good mind = Good woman

7. Morena = Tanned complexion = Sexy = Sexy. Did I mention sexy!! Good mind = Good woman

8. Triguena = Fair skin Mediterranean or Hispanic mix = Sexy. Good mind = Good woman

9. Negrita = Very dark skinned = Sexy. Good mind = Good woman

So how do you know if they have a good heart (mind)? See rule # 3.
I’m also interested in seeing the ‘butt ugly ones’ as he or she calls them. See number #4.
Would you happen by chance be a man or woman in their early to mid thirties? Just asking.

Anonymous said...

you know what im so jealous to your wife,you always appreciated her, made your wife loved you more each day,for us a woman its very easy to please us.my husband all he can think of me are all the bad ones,but anyways hookers they are angels to him,lol..young girls they are sexy for him that one wears a short,shorts with dirty skin..the street girls,the bar girls.

Anonymous said...

Hmm i am 48 and dated women 20 and 24 in America. But i ended up with a 22 year old Filipina. So much for your theory of us men not being able to get women in our country.

Anonymous said...

At 48 i can easily pass for 30. Full head of dark hair. Very fit body. Over the last 5 years i have dated American women aged 20 to 35. I have no problem getting attractive women. I am not conceded but rather stating my case. I recently married a 23 year old Filipina. I love her for the qualities others have stated. I also love her sense of humor and how much she loves my sense of humor. I never had this kind of connection with the American women i dated. So us older guys are not all in the category of not being able to get women in our country. Maybe the American women's values and attitude are not to our liking.

And please dont anyone tell me i am scared of strong American women. You mean the women who are all on xanax or prozac or who cry and complain like its the end of the world every month when they get their period. Asian women are 100x stronger.

Ungaro said...

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